by Mercy Tue Mar 15, 2011 7:27 pmI used to always be afraid of the monsters.
So my older brother would hand me
An aerosol can,
And told me it was Magic Spray.
He told me
It would smell so good,
That the monsters would
Disappear.
Little did he know,
That I couldn’t use that can of spray
On real life monsters.
I used to think
I was the monster,
Fighting against myself to do the right thing.
What you told me was the right thing.
I used to believe you knew it all,
You held the key,
The answer...
And I was so insecure,
It was the truth in my eyes.
But now,
When I look at you,
I see anger.
A fire burning so bright
And so deep
It burns at your soul.
Eating you alive.
You screaming at me,
To stand up,
To be a man.
To fight
With pride.
Defend yourself.
So here I go.
I am breaking the chains,
A lion breaking from its cage,
A storm leaving the stormy seas.
I have brewed up,
Pages upon pages,
Ink spilling out onto the paper
Of things to call you.
But I will spare you the details.
I am breaking away
From them.
From her.
And most importantly
From you.
I don’t need your permission
To be happy.
Or to tell myself I am
A wonderful,
Caring person.
Since when did I need your word
To do something I want to do?
I don’t need your advice,
In the form of a beer bottle.
I don’t need your
Whiney ass
To say I’m a good chair
When you need me.
You can’t tell me
Who to be
What to say
How to think.
I don’t want you controlling me.
Pulling my strings
At uncomfortable lengths,
Angles...
Whispering hatred
Into my fragile ears.
“Stand up for yourself!
For god’s sake!”
You would scream at me,
As I cried.
The harsh, cutting,
Guttural voice of yours.
Gashing,
Bashing,
Destroying me down to bite size pieces...
Oh you little piece of sh—
Shut up!
It’s my turn to speak now.
I can’t take it!
Fuck off,
Leave me alone.
Even after I cut the strings,
What do you attempt?
To glue them right back together.
Not this time.
Ha,
Not. This. Time.
You control freak.
You hurt me
And I bled for you
Like a soldier on the front line,
I waited with my gun
Heavy anticipation with every breath I took
I waited.
And I’m done waiting,
Because I realize you left me.
So you can hide behind closed eyes,
A veil of smoke,
A smoky laugh from drunkenness.
But I’ve seen your hideous face.
You are the monster
Underneath my bed,
But my spray just won’t
Seem to work.
So my older brother would hand me
An aerosol can,
And told me it was Magic Spray.
He told me
It would smell so good,
That the monsters would
Disappear.
Little did he know,
That I couldn’t use that can of spray
On real life monsters.
I used to think
I was the monster,
Fighting against myself to do the right thing.
What you told me was the right thing.
I used to believe you knew it all,
You held the key,
The answer...
And I was so insecure,
It was the truth in my eyes.
But now,
When I look at you,
I see anger.
A fire burning so bright
And so deep
It burns at your soul.
Eating you alive.
You screaming at me,
To stand up,
To be a man.
To fight
With pride.
Defend yourself.
So here I go.
I am breaking the chains,
A lion breaking from its cage,
A storm leaving the stormy seas.
I have brewed up,
Pages upon pages,
Ink spilling out onto the paper
Of things to call you.
But I will spare you the details.
I am breaking away
From them.
From her.
And most importantly
From you.
I don’t need your permission
To be happy.
Or to tell myself I am
A wonderful,
Caring person.
Since when did I need your word
To do something I want to do?
I don’t need your advice,
In the form of a beer bottle.
I don’t need your
Whiney ass
To say I’m a good chair
When you need me.
You can’t tell me
Who to be
What to say
How to think.
I don’t want you controlling me.
Pulling my strings
At uncomfortable lengths,
Angles...
Whispering hatred
Into my fragile ears.
“Stand up for yourself!
For god’s sake!”
You would scream at me,
As I cried.
The harsh, cutting,
Guttural voice of yours.
Gashing,
Bashing,
Destroying me down to bite size pieces...
Oh you little piece of sh—
Shut up!
It’s my turn to speak now.
I can’t take it!
Fuck off,
Leave me alone.
Even after I cut the strings,
What do you attempt?
To glue them right back together.
Not this time.
Ha,
Not. This. Time.
You control freak.
You hurt me
And I bled for you
Like a soldier on the front line,
I waited with my gun
Heavy anticipation with every breath I took
I waited.
And I’m done waiting,
Because I realize you left me.
So you can hide behind closed eyes,
A veil of smoke,
A smoky laugh from drunkenness.
But I’ve seen your hideous face.
You are the monster
Underneath my bed,
But my spray just won’t
Seem to work.
