by Engi Thu Mar 17, 2011 12:49 amWhile I was growing up, my mama always told me that I shouldn’t be afraid of anything. There weren’t lions under my bed or monsters outside my window or robots in my closet. And I believed her. She told me I always needed to be strong. Don’t let them boys bully me, don’t ask for help, don’t let anyone tell me I'm weak. And I believed her. She told me that the worst thing I could do was hurt someone. Hurt their feelings, hurt their body, hurt their mind. And I believed her. So I didn’t. I was never afraid. I was never weak. I never hurt anyone.
Yesterday, my mama always told me to trust no one. Not the man at the corner, not the worker in the store, not the teachers in my classroom. And I believe her. She told that to be a good child, I had to be obedient. Do what everyone says, don’t cause a fuss, don’t argue. And I believed her. She told me that the worst thing I could do was give someone false hope. Pretend to love them, pretend to care for them, pretend to need them. And I believed her. Ill never trust anyone. Ill do what I'm told to do. Ill open up to no one.
Tomorrow, my mama will tell me to be normal. Don’t like girls, don’t hide from your teachers, don’t stay quiet. But I won’t believe her. She’ll tell me that I’m a failure. I'm worthless in her eyes, I'm trash, I'm the mistake they can’t fix. But I won’t believe her. She’ll tell me that I hurt everyone I'm near. I'm a sickness that can’t be cured, I'm a bruise that wont heal, I'm a scar that stains her skin. And I won’t believe her. Ill never be normal. Ill never be a failure. Ill never hurt anyone.
Yesterday, my mama always told me to trust no one. Not the man at the corner, not the worker in the store, not the teachers in my classroom. And I believe her. She told that to be a good child, I had to be obedient. Do what everyone says, don’t cause a fuss, don’t argue. And I believed her. She told me that the worst thing I could do was give someone false hope. Pretend to love them, pretend to care for them, pretend to need them. And I believed her. Ill never trust anyone. Ill do what I'm told to do. Ill open up to no one.
Tomorrow, my mama will tell me to be normal. Don’t like girls, don’t hide from your teachers, don’t stay quiet. But I won’t believe her. She’ll tell me that I’m a failure. I'm worthless in her eyes, I'm trash, I'm the mistake they can’t fix. But I won’t believe her. She’ll tell me that I hurt everyone I'm near. I'm a sickness that can’t be cured, I'm a bruise that wont heal, I'm a scar that stains her skin. And I won’t believe her. Ill never be normal. Ill never be a failure. Ill never hurt anyone.
