Broken Strings (Avalon/Dream)

I couldn’t focus.
As we left the café, I tried to think about the feeling of Molly’s arm linked in mine as I absentmindedly led us back to the facility. However, I simply couldn’t. I knew she was talking to me at first, but her words just faded in to the jumble of my thoughts.
This is bad, Adam, this is very bad.

I met her when I was eighteen. She was in the addiction treatment program, and I pretty much lived at the Fredericks Center full time. I remember the first time she talked to me, it was during supper on a Saturday. I was picking at my rice, feeling like shit because I had gotten in trouble for carving my name into pretty much every piece of furniture in my room.
But she was there.

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to play with your food?” A sexy whisper in my ear made me drop my fork, and that was all it took for me to be completely overwhelmed with thoughts of her night and day. It started with a few whispers in my ear every meal time, and then the sound of her ballet flats walking away with confident steps.
Until she met me in the gardens that one time, when we fully introduced ourselves.
I suppose she was like my girlfriend, but she was also a crack addict and she was completely unstable. She broke my heart a year later.

“Hmm?” I blinked as I felt the path beneath my feet change to the gravel of the paths that led toward the facility. Molly’s voice brought me out of my daydream, and I instantly felt guilty for not paying more attention to her. I wanted to be around her more than I wanted to breath. I wanted to…I wanted to ask her on a real date.
But that wasn’t going to happen even in my dreams. Molly was…Molly. And I was me.

I began to slow down as I realized what she had asked me, and felt a small, sad smile tugging at the corners of my lips.
“I think I should get going, actually.” I said softly as we got to the lobby of the facility. My arm dropped from her grasp, but lingered on her delicate hand, taking it in my strong one.
“Molly, I…” I felt my brows furrow together, before I clicked my teeth shut quickly. “Bye.” I straightened abruptly, turning and walking in the direction of my apartment building. I needed to shut it out for a while. The reminder of her…the thought of ever hurting Molly the way she hurt me…It was all just a bit too much to think about a girl who I’d only known for a couple days.

I knew it wasn't any of my business or anything like that but I couldn't help but notice that on the walk back from the restaurant Adam wasn't really all there. He was there physically walking next to me but his mind was elsewhere. I could tell by the expression on his face and although his eyes were unseeing, it was quite easy to see that they were shrouded in thought. It was almost frustrating to know that he was thinking so deeply about something that I simply could not ask about as it wasn't really my place to butt into his personal life.
In a way it made me feel like I wasn't good enough company to keep him interested in me.

Of course from the very beginning I'd known that I wasn't the type he would go for. For him to even consider going out on a date with someone like me would be a miracle and even then people would look at him funny for his choice in girl. Just looking over him now with his choice in clothes, his hair style, and his handsome stature compared to my limp, dark clothing, and messy hair.. there just wasn't any comparison.
A quiet sigh passed my lips as we neared the entrance to the facility and I posed my question in the hopes that I might be able to save what little hopes I had of something happening between us.

We came to a stop in the empty lobby and he answered me distantly having just been drawn out of whatever deep thoughts had taken his attention away from me. In a way I had almost expected his answer but it was still just as disheartening.
"Oh.. uh, yeah.. that's fine." I replied quietly without being able to keep the disappointed tone from surfacing in my voice.
I froze when he said my name but he seemed to quickly dismiss whatever words he was going to end his sentence with.

A few seconds later I was alone in the lobby listening to the sound of his footsteps in the gravel outside. When the sound had faded away to silence I let out another sigh, straightened out the sad frown that had come to my lips, and I continued into the facility heading straight for my room. I passed the front desk where the secretary gave me a bit of a funny look, based off her having seen Adam and I leave together earlier, but I could only find it in myself to give her a small smile in return.
I just wanted to climb into bed and disappear. I'd let myself get much too involved in something that probably wasn't ever going to happen. To the point where I was taking gestures of friendship as something else.

By the time I got into my room I was so exhausted I just collapsed onto my bed without so much as taking off my shoes. As I turned onto my side I drew my good leg up against my chest and hugged it against me, closing my eyes so I could just let myself become lost in my thoughts.
It wasn't a very good idea.
A few minutes later I opened them and sat up with an expression on my face that had not been seen since the first few weeks of returning home. It was an expression that only came out when I felt completely hopeless the way I had when I was forced to accept I was going to be a cripple for the rest of my life.

As quickly as I could I pulled off my prosthetic, set an alarm on my phone, and collapsed back on my bed with a deep sigh. My eyes lulled closed and within a few minutes I was lightly dozing in the late afternoon. The food from the restaurant had made me sleepy and I felt no reason not to let myself get some rest after all of the emotional turmoil I'd gone through today.
It wasn't going to get any better over time either seeing as I was going to have to face Adam every day for the next few weeks. What was I going to do?

Although I felt kind of bad that our time together had ended far too quickly, I couldn’t help but feel a small smile on my lips as I walked home, the kind of smile little boys got when they were kissed on the cheek by a girl.
The feeling only grew once I got home, placing my walking stick in my bag and letting it hang on one of the kitchen chairs.

A faint beeping from the answering machine on the counter peaked my interest, and I pressed the button as I slowly poured myself a whiskey sour, hopping up on the counter as Paul’s voice rung around the open apartment.
“Hey Adam…shh, shh I’m on the phone, Hey! So, Adam, I’m going out with Lisa.” Giggling in the back round made me grin as I shook my head faintly, taking a sip and feeling the warmth of alcohol touch my lips. “We’re going to the Black Light on Main if you’d like to come…shh, I’m on the phone!” I heard myself sigh lightly as the smile vanished from my face, the call getting more muffled. “Don’t wait up, cheers man!”
Click.
No more messages.

After another drink, I hopped off the counter, carrying my glass to the piano as I sat, letting my arms rest on the keys limply as I thought of the notes I had played earlier that day.
Oh Molly, I don’t know if I’m screwing you up more or if I should just go for it…
Faintly, I played merely a shell of the song I had played earlier with one hand, the other holding my glass as I raised it to my lips, feeling warmer still.

Standing from the piano was harder this time, as I felt it really hit me.
“Whoops.” I murmured as I stumbled lightly, reaching out and feeling my hands grab the counter, one reaching around the whiskey bottle.
Molly.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her now, and this time nothing else was distracting me. I pressed the ‘speech’ button on the oven clumsily as the timer read out Seven-fifty.
“Whoa.” I grinned, shaking my head at how time had gone by much too fast, and I made a funny face at the whiskey bottle, knowing that it was the fault of the alcohol.
Molly.
The smell of her perfume…the way I could tell she was smiling…

Suddenly, I was on the move, walking stick in one hand, whiskey bottle in the other as I slung my bag over one shoulder after putting a cigarette in my mouth.
I was already on my third smoke by the time my feet slapped against the facility floors, and the secretary said something to me that I didn’t catch, something about smoking…
“I’m going to the lounge!” I called behind me as I walked toward the women’s living quarters, a part of me knowing that I was breaking all the rules. Alcohol in the facility was a no-no, smoking was prohibited anywhere except the lounge, plus I was visiting a patient…
But I was staff, right?

“Molly.” I said her name slowly as I leaned against her door, remembering exactly which one it was even through my faded memory. I placed my retraced walking stick into my bag as I slowly began to slide down the wall, straightening up with a lopsided, very boyish grin painted across my lips, taking one last drag of my cigarette before I tossed it into the open hallway, running my hand through my hair and feeling my head tilt to the side slightly, tossing the whiskey bottle between both hands like a ball before I almost fumbled it, grinning even wider as I held it firmly.

Much to my surprise and joy there were no dreams in my light doze as my mind recovered from the events of the day. Everything from the group session to start it off to the way Adam had played the piano for me all the way to the lunch we'd spent together. So many happy thoughts yet they were all soured by the way our day together had ended. I suppose it was to be expected though. He saw us as friends and it was twice now that he'd.. sort of blown me off when I offered to hang out with him more than just out in public.

Suddenly there was a voice at my door and I was immediately drawn out of my slumber. It was a light slumber anyway. At first I thought my mind was making it up, as the voice was Adam's, but after a moment or two I realized that I was awake and there was indeed someone standing outside my door. I could hear movement as well as see it from the crack beneath the door.

"Coming!" I called in a strained voice as I leaned over the edge of my bed to grab my prosthetic from where it was laid on the ground, taking a moment to gather my thoughts as I sat back up. I wasn't exactly sure what was going on but all I knew was that Adam's voice was coming through the door and it was getting towards 8:30. What was he doing back at the facility so late when he didn't even live here? I was as confused as I was strangely excited by his sudden visit.
All of the fears and negative thoughts from before pretty much disappeared. Perhaps I was wrong about everything I'd thought!

Once my prosthetic was more or less properly set I pulled myself out of bed, straightened out my shirt, and headed towards the door with a knot in my stomach. I almost went to quickly spray a little bit of perfume against the skin of my neck but I decided against it and instead just went for the door knowing I'd probably taken a couple minutes to answer by now. I guess that's what happens when you have to literally put a leg on to walk.
With my hands quivering in uncertainty as much as excitement I turned the door handle and pulled the door open to find a very happy Adam on the other side.

At first I was very quickly enamored by the boyish grin on his face however it was then my eyes caught onto the bottle in his hand and the smell on his breath. Was he drunk? My eyes widened a little bit as I looked back up towards his face watching him for a moment as he swayed slightly. Quickly I snapped myself to reality.
"Hey Adam. You want to come in?" I asked him with a friendly smile while stepping away from the door so he could come in if he wanted to.

I could hear her unique walk as she stepped toward the door, along with her muffled call, only the door separating the two of us. Quickly I took a swig out of the bottle before wiping my lips, loving how warm I felt.
She opened the door, and the smell of her perfume wasn’t nearly as intoxicating as her voice. A little voice inside my head began to scream at me, but I flicked it away as if it were a piece of lint on my jeans.
You idiot! Did you really think the only way you could talk to her would be if you got drunk first!? I shouted at myself internally before I stumbled inside her room, shutting the door behind me.

“Thanks.” I said, drawing the ‘s’ out a little more than I needed to. If I was correct, the bed would be five steps forward and two to the left. And I was right, slowly sinking into the familiar blankets of the bed the facility provided.
I leaned forward slightly, forearms resting lazily on my knees as I looked in the direction I knew Molly was standing.
“Sit.” I motioned toward myself, patting the spot on the bed beside me. I didn’t know what I wanted now, sex? No. Not from such a pleasant girl.

Not that I didn’t want that...ugh what was I thinking? I just wanted to know her. That was all. Not that she wasn’t probably gorgeous, like her attitude, and I knew she was fit.
I frowned at myself. Shut up, Adam. Just stop thinking about that.

“I’m such a mess.” I murmured out loud, rubbing my face with one of my hands as the bottle lolled in the other. “I’m sorry…if you were…sleeping…or something.” I drew out my sentence, trying not to slur as I felt myself sway lightly.
Slowly, I pushed myself off the bed and gently slid down onto the floor, resting my back against it. I didn’t want to be on her bed. It seemed like such an awful thought, of me being drunk and coming to visit her and ending up in her bed.
I found a small, aloof smile painting my lips, like a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Hey you.” I cooed in her direction, drawing my knees up slightly and feeling like a broken rag doll.

From the moment he stepped into my room I could tell he was drunk. If only by the way he stumbled towards my bed and slumped down onto it. I followed his motion and sat down next to him as he asked me to. However we were only sat next to each other for a few seconds because he slid down onto the ground very shortly after that. I watched him closely with an uncertain expression though at the same time an amused smile had settled itself upon my lips.
Adam was adorable.

I wasn't quite sure what to think about him showing up at my room drunk. I had mixed feelings of course. On the one hand I was excited by the prospect of him being loose-lipped and perhaps even..affectionate.. but at the same point I was a little bit disappointed at the fact that Adam, the man who guided our group therapy sessions, had allowed himself to slip this way. What had caused him to pick up a bottle and drink himself almost to oblivion on a weekday?
I frowned a little bit as I tried to figure it out but I was quickly drawn out of my thoughts by the sound of his coo.

The sight of him laying on the ground with his legs flopping about was more than enough to make me giggle out loud. I couldn't help it! Still his words were more than enough to make me forget everything that had happened earlier. There was a soft playful tone in his voice that made my heart flutter.
"I was taking a little nap but that's alright. Your company is much more valuable than a little bit of rest." I replied with a smile before I reached across the bed to pick up the bottle of whiskey he'd brought in with him.

"Mind if I have a sip?" I asked but before he could answer I was unscrewing the cap and taking a swig of the sharp-tasting liquid. I winced at the flavor but the warmth filled my stomach, my chest, and I felt it come back up to the back of my throat. Almost immediately I felt my head go for a whirl.
In my mind I cursed having such a flimsy tolerance. In part I blamed the military for keeping me occupied with fighting instead of drinking like most regular teens.
With a little sniff I took another swig before allowing myself to slide onto the ground next to Adam.

"Can't have you laying on the ground by yourself.." I murmured with a little giggle as I held the bottle against his arm to let him know that I had it in case he wanted to take another sip or swig. He probably didn't need any more but it was his and I didn't feel like I had the right to stop him from drinking more.. yet anyway.
"Are you alright?" I asked him while looking up towards his handsome face, the striking attractiveness of his smile causing my heart to flutter all over again.

She spoke, but her words hardly broke the surface of my sub-consciousness. I was in another world for a minute, of heart break and sadness. With her. Until the feeling of cold glass against my arm made me blink, face turning childishly shocked as I turned toward Molly, feeling that she was sitting beside me, drinking too. A buttoning smile made my eyes twinkle in her direction, knowing that she was beside me. No one had ever broken me out of my little sad daydreams so quickly until Molly came along.

“Me? I’m peachy.” I murmured down to her, leaning down until my cheek grazed her hair before I sat back up slowly, grinning to myself at how my crush on her was seeming to grow with my alcohol content level. It felt nice, a new kind of warmth in my stomach. It was scary too, the fear of being rejected always hovering close like a storm cloud threatening to pour down rain on your sunny day. But thankfully that hadn’t happened yet.

“Actually.” I gently took the bottle from her, drinking before pushing it back into her hand, a little mischievous smile making me chuckle slightly at what she might be thinking of me now…not that I really cared at this moment, feeling myself make a funny face at the after taste of the whiskey. I cleared my throat, voice getting a little lower, a charming grin turning my smile into something different, something unfamiliar, something I hadn’t done in a long time, “I have no idea what I’m doing.” I said to her, leaning back until my head flopped back onto the blankets of the bed, stretching one of my legs out and sighing loudly.
I was about to start rambling about how I had no clue what to do about the next few weeks of group sessions, until my hand limply grazed her arm. Then, I was distracted, feeling how warm she was, the softness of her hand. I quickly pulled away, feeling myself grinning again as I bit my lower lip, trying not to laugh at myself.
“H-how are you doing?” I asked, stuttering slightly as I felt the grin growing on my face, turning slightly to gaze in her direction, listening for a laugh, a sigh, anything.

I couldn't help but smile as he seemed to fade in and out of deep thought. Going between getting lost in his mind and interacting with me. A normal person would wonder what he was thinking about but I was far too busy enjoying his company to care. So long as he.. I don't know, I guess I just didn't want to believe that the only reason he'd come to see me was because he was drunk. That'd be quite a blow to my self-esteem as a person to know that after brushing me off twice he'd finally come by solely under the influence of liquid courage.
I had the feeling there was more to it than just that though. I felt like there was some kind of underlying reason behind his visiting me.

As I sat there feeling the warmth of the alcohol spreading through my whole body I suddenly felt something against my arm. A different kind of warmth. When I turned my head to investigate I found myself looking down at his hand, his touch soft as silk, just barely brushing against me as it ran along my arm down to my hand.
Immediately the only thing I could focus on was his touch even though it was only there for a few seconds at the most. Just that short time was more than enough to remind me just how close he was to me. If I had wanted to, or rather if I dared to, I could have leaned over and kissed him.
The mere thought made me blush.

Suddenly he spoke and I blinked, glancing up towards his face as he leaned his head back against the bed. He was so adorable it was almost painful to watch as a charming grin moved across his lips. The same that had caught my eye the moment he walked into the first group session. The same grin I'd come to admire and find immense comfort in. I watched him for a second or two before I glanced down towards the bottle in my hands. I silently mulled over the question he'd asked me before I shook my head in disbelief.

"Well I'm sitting here wondering why you chose to come here of all places. What's the company of someone like me compared to someone who isn't so.. lacking. I'm sure there are a thousand better places you could have gone." I replied to his question with tone of both confusion and sadness. It was the sad truth behind it all. I didn't see how my company could be anything compared to some of the company he could easily find for himself.
Not to mention the fact that they would be complete..so to speak.
Not wanting to continue on that thought I took another long swig from the bottle of whiskey and tilted my head back against the mattress behind it, closing my eyes for a few seconds as a soft sigh passed my lips.
"BUT, if the answer is going to break my heart don't answer that." I added in a playful tone with a smile.

I felt myself scrunch my nose up at her playfully, my expression matching her tone as I ran a hand through my thick curls, chuckling lightly and feeling my cheeks turn slightly pink. Uh-oh, you’ve been caught.
“Molly…you make me, I don’t know, smile.” I shrugged one shoulder, raising an eyebrow at myself at that goofy answer, shaking my head lightly. “No. No, you make me…feel good.” I tilted my head to the side, feeling my face turn horrified for a second as I realized how strange that sounded.

“No! No, no. Molly, I feel…different around you.” I turned my whole body in her direction, putting one of my hands gently on her shoulder, fingers moving softly to her neck where I carefully tucked her hair behind her ear. The silence in the room was perfect, and I couldn’t have asked for anything else.
“Whoops.” I murmured, pulling my hand away and feeling that boyish, mischievous smile tugging at the corners of my lips again. “Sorry.” I walked my fingers along my leg until they reached her arm again, tracing my way down to her hand and taking the bottle.

I was apologizing for my…I don’t know, actions, I suppose. Or my words. Or my thoughts. Or everything, really. I was acting completely bonkers, and I felt myself flush again, taking a long drag from the bottle before I swayed lightly, starting to hum a light tune, starting to whistle that tune as I chucked the bottle backward onto the bed after spinning the cap shut, hearing it hit the pillows as I laughed whole-heartedly.

In one, gracefully tall motion I stood. “Wow.” I blinked, laughing again as I began to hum the tune again, bending down lightly and tilting my head to the side curiously down at Molly.
“Madame, may I have this dance?” I said in a mock-gentlemanly tone, bowing clumsily before taking her hands quickly, one arm winding around her waist quickly as I scooped her up to stand with me.
“I suck at dancing.” I murmured down to her, as I took the waltz position, beginning to hum the song as I took little baby steps in no direction in particular.

A pause in my mind made my stop. “Do you want me to leave?” My voice was soft as I suddenly realized that perhaps her question was weighted with something else, something I might have been a little too drunk to notice. I took a small step away from her, still holding both of her hands as I tried to look down at her, feeling my eyes widen innocently as I searched through the familiar, blind darkness for her eyes, knowing I would never in a million years find them for as long as I stared down in her direction.

I'd come to expect surprises from Adam but nothing like the words that passed his lips when he came to answer my question about seeking out my company as opposed to the company of a girl who was actually close to his level of personality as well as looks. Though that was a pretty tall order now that I thought about it. It would be pretty hard to find someone with as perfect a personality as his much less someone with the same genuine attractiveness.
My eyes widened in disbelief as he started to stutter out his answer but he couldn't quite get the words sorted out in his head. I more or less got the gist of what he was trying to tell me..at least, I thought so.

My cheeks turned a light pink color as he continued to ramble on about the way he felt around me only to deepen even more when his hand found my neck and slid up to brush some hair behind my ear, making me wish I could stop him right where he was. But he continued and I listened intently with a kind of uncertain curiosity.
What did he feel about me? Was he trying to tell me that he felt the same kind of thing for me as I did for him? Or was he describing a strong bond he felt was friendship based?
I couldn't quite tell for sure.
"Don't apologize.." I whispered quietly in a dazed voice when he apologized for nothing at all.

Suddenly, after another swig from the bottle, he was standing up in front of me. I looked up only to find myself being pulled up onto my feet as if I weighed nothing at all. A part of me was glad that he couldn't see because he would have seen just how deeply I was blushing at the sudden closeness to his tall figure.
"S-Sure! Though I can't really..dance anymore." I replied quietly as he wrapped his arm around my waist and I let him take my hand into his, leading us in a dance to the tune he was humming to himself.
It was a perfect moment though.

His humming stopped though to be replaced by his voice and I looked up at him as he spoke, finding that he was looking intently down at me. With only inches between our faces I felt as if he truly could see me despite knowing he couldn't. His gaze was just so intent and alluring.
His question upset me though. Why would I want him to leave?
My mind whirled around with a good way to answer his question but I suddenly felt myself moving before I'd truly thought over what I was doing.
I took a step towards him bringing our bodies together, let my face come to press against his chest lightly, and I carefully guided his hands towards my cheeks until they were left there. I let my hands slip from his leaving them against my cheeks.

"You can see with touch..can't you?" I murmured softly as I closed my eyes, letting my hands come together in front of me so they could fidget nervously. Of course I was simply making an assumption off of something I'd heard. There was no way of knowing whether he would be able to 'see' me but I thought.. I thought it was worth a try.
If only because it'd let him know that I didn't want him going anywhere.

ooc: I hope your exams went well?

For a moment she didn’t answer, and I felt my stomach begin to sink, eyebrows starting to draw together until they raised up completely in surprise at her sudden action.
She was so warm, so…light. Delicate yet strong as I held her to me for a second. She was tall, complimenting my height perfectly as her head rested on my chest, close to the crook of my neck and causing a small tingle to run up my spine after a second. I could tell by the sound of her voice sometimes that she sold herself short, especially after what had happened to her overseas. Whatever that may be, it left her broken.
I felt the need to put her back together. A new desire that made my chest burn more than the feeling of whiskey in my throat just a moment ago.

She was quick. Well, quicker than me in my state. I was slow, and still concentrating on the feeling in my chest as she drew my hands up to her face.
My breath caught in my throat and I stayed there for a second, before I dropped my hands limply, face turning toward the ground as I found myself very ashamed.
“Molly…I can’t.” I said in a quiet voice, feeling myself start to shake my head. For the past few days, all I had wanted to do was take her in my arms and explore her features. But now that she was giving that moment to me…it felt so…wrong.

Christ, what the hell is wrong with you, Adam? Are you mental?
Slowly, I stepped away from her, mouth open but no words coming to my lips for a moment. “I want to.” I said, balling my hands into fists as I took another step back, blinking as my back hit the wall lightly. “I want to so bad. But it’s wrong. It’s wrong.” My hands were starting to shake, and I bent down and drunkenly scooped up my leather bag, tossing it over one shoulder.

“Sophie…you don’t know how much I want…” Just as I was starting to step toward her, the wrong name came to my lips and I froze. My body was a marble statue for a second, and I felt myself break. I felt my eyes get dark and blank, before I was walking out.
If she was calling after me, I wouldn’t have heard her. If she was running after me, I wouldn’t have felt her. I was gone.

Sophie wasn’t Molly. Molly would never…

I found myself in my old room in the facility, in the Men’s hallway, room three. The smell of fabric softener was intoxicating as I felt hot tears begin to well up on my eyelashes.
“What. Is. Wrong. With. You.” I whispered angrily through my teeth at myself, sliding down against the door and throwing my leather bag in the direction I knew a dresser was sitting, hearing something crash to the floor as I shut my eyes, dragging myself to my bed as I growled into the pillow, wanting to suffocate in the blankets, wondering if this all was a dream as I let sleep take me.

ooc: They were a cake walk! But job hunting this weekend was rough, I'm just glad I have no classes on monday either so I can just be a potato all day.

I stood there silently wishing he'd start to move his hands so he could finally know what I looked like. So he'd finally know for sure whether I was worth wasting his time with. Whether.. I don't know, I just felt like it'd make everything so much more clear. If he knew how I looked then we'd both be on a level playing field for the most part.
We'd both know how the other looked. From there I wasn't sure what would happen. If he chose to leave once he knew, I wouldn't blame him one little bit. I knew for a fact I wasn't nearly as attractive as he was but whether that mattered was a mystery to me. I doubted it. If it did, he'd have a girlfriend that could make any guy jealous.

His hands dropped though and I found the warmth of his body disappeared altogether. I opened my eyes slowly to search the semi-darkness of the room where I could see he had backed away to. My mind began to spin with questions but he started explain that he felt it was wrong.
What was wrong about it? Why didn't he want to 'see' what I looked like?
No matter how hard I thought about it I just couldn't figure out what was 'wrong' about such a simple thing.

"Then.." I began but then he said something that stopped my heart mid-beat and made it sink down to the very pit of my stomach. He said another girl's name. Sophie? Who was Sophie? Was she someone from his past? A girl he'd loved but broke up with?
Suddenly it felt like my whole world came crashing down.
Of course it wasn't quite that drastic but all the happiness I'd felt over the last few days..It all just disappeared in the blink of an eye.

To make things worse he suddenly walked out of the room without so much as trying to explain himself. I could do little more than watch the back of his head as he disappeared into the hallway and I was left alone in my room. Alone just the way I'd been left when I came out to my parents. Alone the way I'd felt while I was going through physical training with the military. Alone the way I'd felt when I was laying in the smoldering chassis of our destroyed Humvee surrounded by the bodies of my friends.
It was too much for me.
In the silence of the room I broke down into a flurry of tears and sobs the likes of which I hadn't experienced since the first night I spent awake in the hospital faced with the reality of having lost my leg forever.

I stumbled back onto my bed and collapsed onto it, curling up into a ball as shaking sobs racked my body. I tried to stem the flow of salty tears but they just kept coming. I squeezed my eyes shut but it didn't do any good.
I could do nothing but wait for them to stop on their own. In that time I tried to think of some kind of rational explanation for what had happened tonight but nothing made any sense to me.
"Damn it Molly. How stupid can to get?" I whispered to myself as I cursed the day I was born.
Of course this would happen. The moment I thought I'd found someone who might actually be different.

ooc: That's great to hear! I hope it'll be that way for me too when I get around to having mid-terms and whatnot.
As for lazing around.. Awesome.

A crippling head ache made me groan as I rose slowly. As I sat up, I ran my hands over the blankets, a confused expression painting my face as I tried to figure out where I was.
Oh no…
Oh no no no.
I hoped it was just a dream, but awakening in my clothes with a nasty hangover was proving me wrong. Sighing loudly, I brought myself to a kind of crumpled standing position and started to walk toward my dresser.
It was rare these days that I would stay in my room at the Center, but it still happened from time to time, so I kept a few changes of clothes here.

What the hell happened last night? My eyes were stinging, and as I rubbed them with another growled sigh, I began to piece it together. The smell of her perfume on my clothes mixed with booze.
I paused as I dressed, raising an eyebrow for a second at myself. Wait…did we?...
No, I would have remembered that. My headache only grew as I started to think about my actions, wondering just how much I had screwed up last night.

Spoiler:

My fingers found a set of dark, thick rimmed sunglasses in my bag, specifically known to Paul as my hangover glasses, because there was no other reason for me to be wearing them, besides covering up how tired I probably looked.
After brushing my teeth about five times to get the taste of stale whiskey out of my mouth, I made my way over to the reception desk, leaning over the counter and snagging a phone, fingers finding the keys as I dialed my home number.
“What?” I heard a groggy voice answer after the third ring.
I matched Paul’s tone, sighing into the phone as I slumped over the reception desk. “Hey it’s me. Did you feed Gordon?” I asked, hearing a feminine voice in the back round and scrunching my nose up slightly, glad I hadn’t gone home last night.
“Oh, yeah. Where are you, man?” I heard Paul get up, along with the sound of food hitting Gordon’s bowl. I grinned half-heartedly at how the apartment would be a mess if I never checked up on Paul.
“Stayed late at work, don’t worry dude.” I said, clearing my throat as I straightened, rubbing my eye behind my sunglasses as I finished the conversation, hanging up and straightening, walking toward the Lounge for a much needed cigarette.

I screwed up.
The exact words were fuzzy, but I knew that I had done something to screw myself up last night with Molly. Whiskey hardly ever agreed with me, and this was one of those times.
Sitting in my familiar cracked leather chair, I lit my cigarette and took a deep drag, feeling like such an asshole. Sophie was on my mind last night, which should have been a sign to stay away from anyone I could have possibly hurt. Especially Molly…someone I never ever wanted to do any harm to.
The smoke ended way too quickly, before I sighed, lifting myself up and walking to the group therapy room, where the class would be starting in half an hour. Probably good for me to be early for once, even if I felt like absolute shit.

I don't remember when it was I fell asleep or how I managed to fall asleep through my tears but the next thing I remembered was finding myself suspended in a large endless expanse of black. In every direction I looked I saw nothing but darkness. Then suddenly there was a bright light above me that blinded me completely. I shielded my eyes from the light until suddenly I was laying in a hospital bed with the soft beeping sound of a pulse monitor filling the silence. Slowly I looked around only to find that I recognized the room to be the very same room that I'd woken up in months ago. The very same room I'd tried to forget.
The familiar sound of a piano piece floated to my ears from the corner of the room where the radio usually found itself. My eyes found themselves going downwards slowly, hesitantly, until they came across the sheet covering the lower half of my body.
My breathing came in soft shallow breaths as I reached out to feel what I couldn't believe I was seeing. I had two legs. There were two legs beneath the sheets! I tried to wiggle my toes and found that they moved beneath the white cover.
My eyes filled with tears of joy at the thought of being able to walk again. I carefully sat up, turned my body, swung my legs over the edge of the bed, and pushed myself up off. Only to come crashing down hard.

"Ugh.." I grunted quietly as I pulled myself up off the cold floor where I'd landed in the midst of my dream. At first I didn't remember much of the night before and the slight twinge in the back of my head made it even harder. However there was one thing I could remember as clear as day; Sophie. He'd called me Sophie.
I wasn't good enough to be Molly.
An exasperated sigh passed my lips as I pulled myself shakily up to my feet. I'd fallen asleep with my prosthetic on which meant I was going to have a very sore leg if I tried to leave my room with it on. That really only left me with one option.

After rushing through getting myself ready I pulled my crutches out of the corner of the room. As I stared at myself in the mirror I found I couldn't even bring a smile to my lips if I tried. I couldn't even force a half-smile.
Especially now that I was going to the session with.. I didn't even want to think about how the session was going to be today.
In fact it took every ounce of strength I had inside me to even go. If it weren't for the fact that I knew I needed help, I would have skipped out for the day.

Even my choice of clothing was rushed. A pair of black cargo shorts, a white v-neck shirt, and a black cardigan. I looked probably as sloppy as I felt. But with my lack of a prosthetic the shorts were a must seeing as pants just looked..weird. I mean one pants leg being loose is just as obvious as plain and simple one leg missing.

With a last sigh I crutched my way out of my room pausing only to close my door before I continued on towards the group session room. The very last place I wanted to go right now. I would have given a whole lot for class to be canceled or something like that.
When I got to the room I carefully pushed my way through the door and made my way towards the front where the rest of the class had begun to gather. The circle of chairs were already formed.
Some of the members glanced in my direction when they saw me come in but they very quickly averted their gazes away from me when they saw the state I was in.
This was the first time they'd seen me without my prosthetic and the looks I got from them.. not pleasant.
I settled myself down in my seat with a sigh, setting my crutches off to the side.

I sat alone for a good few minutes in the group room, face in my hands as I slumped my body forward, rubbing my eyes behind my thick sunglasses, knowing they were completely black. Thankfully. If these people saw how horrible I probably looked, they might just freak out. Plus, alcohol was prohibited on facility grounds, and if I let it slip I had been drinking here last night, my job could be on the line.
But what about Molly?
I trusted her enough to know she wouldn’t go snitching to the front desk, but that wasn’t what worried me enough to feel slightly queasy. I’d called her…I’d called her…
No.
I will not think about her today.
The only thing that matters today is my group, and what the hell I’m going to tell all these poor people. For weeks before this program started, I had been preparing myself for lessons, preparing speeches and activities, but past my aching hangover, I couldn’t remember any of those days.

Slowly, as I heard people begin to file into the room one by one, I took out the tape recorder from my bag, straightening with a half-hearted, polite smile painting my stiff lips.
I was just a ghost of myself today. But I couldn’t let any of them see that. I couldn’t let any of these people see that I was just as breakable as they were.

“Cool shades, Adam.” I heard Ken’s voice from where he usually sat, a kind of curious tone in his voice. Probably because I was so still, sitting stiffly in my chair with my feet doe-footed, facing inward like a ragdoll.
I raised an eyebrow, tilting my head slightly in his direction. “Thanks, it was a little too bright in here this morning.” I gave him a small playful grin and he gave a kind of boyish giggle, one that just made me smile more, feeling slightly better.

Then, I heard it.
The sound of click, click, click, and one step following the noise like a weak echo. Before the sound of a chair being pulled back. Such a familiar spot, but such an unfamiliar step.
Molly.
Trying to be more casual, I stretched my legs out as I heard the others take their seats, as I awkwardly cleared my throat, leaning forward slightly like I usually did around the group, switching the tape recorder on.

“So, I hope all of you enjoyed your gifts yesterday, and took comfort in them as I did when I gave them out.” I smiled around the group, but it was an empty smile, as I remembered the way Molly embraced me just yesterday on the piano bench.
I cleared my throat again.
“But today is going to be about something else. Something even I struggle with.” I took my sunglasses off, knowing the skin around my eyes was a baby-flesh pink, and they were hollowed out with dark shadows. For the second I took them off, I tilted my face down, ashamed of myself as I rubbed one hand against my face, feeling the prickle of stubble along my chin, probably making me look like even more of a basket-case. Good thing I would never have to see how much of a skeleton I looked like today.

I put my shades back on, bringing my head back up as I looked directly forward. “Forgiveness.” I said, the word echoing around me as I thought about last night, and how much was weighted on this class.
“In times of pain, and of suffering, people tend to look to others closest to them to blame. Most cases, people blame themselves.” I shook my head faintly, eyebrows knitting together slightly. “But I want you to let that go. I know that many of you won’t be able to do that in a day, or a week, or a year or possibly ever. But you must try.” I said, standing gracefully and starting to walk around the circle of chairs, knowing by now exactly where they are each placed so I wouldn’t have to get out my stick.

As I spoke, I thought for a split second about Sophie. And how much she hurt me. How I still felt as if I would never forgive her. I had loved her.
Did that mean my feelings were growing for Molly the same way they had once grown for her? I knew the answer before I even thought of the question, but I didn’t even want to think of the two names in the same sentence anymore. They were nothing alike, and the more I thought of Sophie, the more I wanted to run out of this room and onto incoming traffic.

“Forgive yourself, if you blame yourself. Forgive others, if you can. Forgive me.” I said, stopping when I found myself at my chair again, standing behind it like a statue, face hard like a soldier about to run into battle.

“Forgive you?” I heard Bonnie’s skeptical voice past my budding thoughts, and felt myself smile slightly in her direction as I gripped the back of my chair to give me strength.
“Yes. Some of you might come to hate me in time, some of you probably already do. I remember I hated my counselor when I first started going through trauma therapy.” I shook my head as my smile started to grow, praying that Molly had caught onto my small message for her. I wanted her to…I don’t know…talk to me. Anything. I knew I had hurt her, and she might never forgive me for that. I silently cursed myself for almost getting to close to her, and at the same time cursed myself for not.

I sat down in my chair, putting my elbows on my knees as I faced Bonnie, hearing her flighty laugh as I put my attention on her. What a strange girl. “I was ten, and the facility had matched me up with this old fart who tried to talk to me as if he were a kid.” I began to grin, the soft echo of my hangover starting to disappear as I chuckled faintly, addressing the whole group instead of just Bonnie.
“I want you all to be comfortable with me. So please, forgive me for being that old fart sometimes.” I ran a hand through my mop of hair, scratching my stubble as I heard a few laughs.

“Break?” I raised an eyebrow, and people began to slowly rise and begin faint conversations with each other. I rose, grabbing my bag and heading for the lounge, my smile dropping as I made it to the hall, fishing my cigarettes out of my bag and putting one between my lips.
I lit it just as I stepped into the Lounge, and sighed as I exhaled, dropping into my familiar cracked leather chair.
“Kill me.” I murmured, putting my face in my hands again, cigarette gingerly held between two fingers, the smell of smoke calming me slightly. Not enough. I knew the only thing that would calm me now would be Molly. And she probably hated me. Good. Maybe then I wouldn’t screw her up as much as I probably already had.

The session began with Adam addressing the group as a whole. His attire for the day with the addition of the shades pretty much described the way he probably felt with all the alcohol he'd consumed the night before. Not that anyone else in the group knew of that slip in his control and I wasn't about to come out with it. He may have hurt me deeply but I was not going to sink down to the level of trying to get back at him. I wasn't that kind of person.
So I just kept quiet with my gaze focused on the ground as the session continued.

When he turned the subject towards the act of forgiving and forgiveness towards others I felt my jaw tighten. I knew exactly where he was going with his words and I didn't really like it. It was like he was hiding behind his teaching; trying to speak to me without really speaking to me at all.
It frustrated me to know that he would do such a thing.
Why couldn't he just pull me aside either before or after and just explain himself? Rather than trying to teach a lesson on forgiveness like I'm a child who needs to be taught on the subject.

I breathed a sigh of relief when the break came around and while everyone left the room I remained sat exactly where I was. A part of me wanted to stay where I was so I didn't even run the risk of bumping into Adam in the hallway but at the same time the other part of me wanted to head into the lobby where I knew he would be sat. In the exact same seat he'd been in when I first approached him two days ago.
Before I could really think over the pros and cons of each action my body was moving without my telling it to. Suddenly I was up, steadying myself with my crutches, and heading out into the hallway towards the lobby.

When I reached the room I glanced around to make sure the room was empty. I didn't bother look in the direction of the recliners because the smell of cigarette smoke told me he was there. Once I was sure I carefully made my way towards him until I was a few feet away.
I came to a stop, took a deep breath, and closed my eyes.
I didn't think about what I was going to say to him, I just said the very first things that came to my lips.

"When I first lost my leg I was filled with rage against those who'd taken it from me. I hated them with every ounce of my being. The pain I felt from the injury was nothing compared to the pain I felt knowing I was never going to be the same. I was never going to walk without a limp. I was never going to run. I was never going to jump. My life was forever changed by one single person. That's not something you can ever forgive." I said in a voice that was devoid of any emotion beyond a distant kind of sadness. Like a person going back to a bad memory they've been avoiding for years.

"What you did was heartless but forgivable. I should have known not to let myself get so involved in something that was never really going happen.." I finally said in a quiet voice before I turned and began back towards the door I'd come through minutes before. I stopped there though so I could take a few slow breaths.
For some reason tears were beginning to well in the corners of my eyes yet again. My mind couldn't erase the memory of him calling me Sophie. It played the moment over and over again. The flutter in my heart when he said that he'd wanted..something.. and the way it sunk when his mind replaced my name with hers.
He didn't have feelings for me at all.

I heard her before she even spoke, nostrils flaring as I squeezed my eyes shut. Kill me. Just kill me now. Her words…made me feel a million different things at once. The emotion that stood out the most? Anger. Perhaps it was the hangover, or the self-hatred, or everything else in my life that made me want to fight everything in front of me until my fists bled. Maybe it was just me, I don’t know.
But in a flash, I stood, crushing my cigarette into the ash tray before briskly walking toward the girl.

“You think I’m heartless? Fine.” I was a hair’s breath away from her, her back turned was the only thing different about last night. How close we were.
Well I guess there was something else different now. She hated me.
“Maybe I wanted you.” I murmured down to her turned form, in a voice so soft it could be followed by a lullaby. But my next words were harsher than a white-hot whip as I brushed past her, walking in long, heated steps. “But obviously I was wrong to take interest. Believe me, you won’t be troubled anymore.” I said, balling my fingers into fists as I forced myself not to break into a run.

My first stop was the group room. “You can all go back to your rooms. Class is done early.” I called in an empty voice as I shut the door after quickly sticking my head in.
Heartless.
If she thought I was heartless, that’s what I was going to be.
Molly was the kind of girl I could fall for. But…she…she…

I breathed hard through my nose as I walked toward the main office, tripping slightly and almost eating a mouthful of tile floors. God, I had to be more careful. I began to walk slower, but it was obviously forced.
For about an hour I sat in the waiting room, knowing that the woman I was searching out was a busy lady. But when the secretary told me to go in, I opened a door without even knocking.
“Joanna. I can’t do this.” I said to the head of the Fredericks Center. She was an old woman now, and she smoked just as much as I did, more even, making her voice sound husky and her office smell like…well…like my cardigan was probably going to smell like after this day.

“Excuse me?” She wasn’t rude about the way she addressed me, simply shocked.
“I can’t. I’m fucking up these people more than when they even started this program. I can’t do that to them.” I dropped into Joanna’s office chair, tears spilling over my eyes just as my sleeve rose to wipe them away.
Don’t cry. That’s so stupid. Just don’t think about Molly and…

“Oh god.” I felt my expression turn from upset to horrified in a second. If I had screwed Molly up before, she was probably regretting her decision to come here after what I had just said to her.
“We’ll talk about this later.” I called over my shoulder before I was running now. This facility was the only place I could comfortably run, as I knew the halls better than I knew my own home.

I was in front of her door in minutes, pacing back and forth as I ran my fingers through my hair, putting my sun glasses in my leather bag that hung over my shoulder, feeling as if it weighed a thousand pounds.
I leaned against the door frame for ten minutes before I got up the courage to knock softly. So softly, that a part of me hoped she didn’t hear, and wouldn’t answer. And I could proceed to bury my head in the dirt forever.
Quickly after I knocked, I took a wide step back into the hall, hugging my arms to my chest nervously as I scuffed my feet along the floor. Maybe she was in the cafeteria, or the gardens…maybe I was hopeless and screwed up and maybe I should just leave now before I embarrassed myself further.
But something made me stay standing there, whatever hope I had that Molly would one day come to feel something toward me other than spite and hatred. Maybe she would one day feel the way…I felt. However ridiculous that idea might be.

When he suddenly approached me I was taken off guard and I turned to look at him with uncertainty in my eyes. His expression was filled with anger and his tone of voice showed the same. All of the sudden I felt my body shrink away from his as he spoke, fearing he was going to reach out and slap me or something. But his words stung worse than any slap against the cheek.
The tears that had only threatened to fall moments before now freely made their way down along my cheeks and when he turned to walk away, I lowered my head in an attempt to hide them from anyone who might happen to be in the hallway.

As soon as I could muster up the strength to continue I headed straight towards my room. I didn't even head close to the room where the group session was supposed to continue after the short break we'd been given. I was done. Just..done.
I got back to my room an immediately threw my crutches to the ground, swapping them out for my prosthetic even though I knew I'd probably end up hurting myself by wearing the thing. But I needed to be able to walk around with my hands free.
About 15 minutes after I got back there was a knock at my door. I already knew who it was.

I paused what I was doing to open the door but I didn't say anything to the figure I knew was standing in the hallway. I merely headed back inside and went back to the job at hand. He was the one who had said he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. If he wanted to speak then he was going to have to do so without my prompting him to.
However when the silence stretched on for more than a few long minutes I found I couldn't keep quiet. The silence was just too much.

"Are you here to rub it in?" I murmured quietly in a voice that was probably best described as hopeless. The voice of someone who has lost everything. Someone who's both emotionally and physically drained.
A few seconds passed before I let out a soft sigh, reaching up to wipe the tears from my eyes in an attempt to hide them from him. He couldn't see them but I didn't doubt he could sense that I was crying. He wasn't stupid. At least not literally.

A quiet sniff was the only sound in the room other than the rustling sound of clothes being put into a bag. I was packing my stuff back up. Taking my clothing from the drawers and putting them back into the duffel bag I'd brought them in with.
"You'll be relieved to know I'm leaving.. So you won't have to worry about dealing with me anymore." I said quietly as I folded and put away the last of my shirts. Everything was now packed up.
I lifted the bag and slung it over my shoulder, pushing past his tall handsome figure out into the hallway.

I hesitated at the door way and parted my lips to say something but the words didn't come to my lips. I shook my head slightly before continuing on my way down the hallway slowly. A part of me wanted him to stop me but after what he'd said and the way he'd said it.. That hurt ten times worse than calling me by a different name.

I stood there as she moved around her room, still hugging my arms and chewing on the inside of my cheek nervously, feeling like a puppy with its tail between its legs.
She was crying.
Oh god she was crying.
There was a special place in hell for people like me, and she was right, I was heartless. I just…I was so frustrated at myself that I let it bleed out for a split second to her.

Before I could even say anything, she was brushing past me, and I felt her coldness. It bit me, harder than I could have thought possible. The warmth in my chest last night was turned to frozen blackness, and I blinked, knowing that if I didn’t do something now I would lose her forever.
My body was moving before my thoughts were, and I strode in long steps until I reached her, placing my hands gently on her shoulders, lightly enough that she could break away and punch me in the jaw like I knew she probably wanted to.
But I walked around to face her, and moved my hands slowly, carefully, cautiously…to her cheeks, holding her face up to look at mine. They were wet, and I knew my eyes were slightly glossy as I forced myself to swallow past the lump that had formed in my throat.

“Hey.” I said quietly, not yet letting my hands explore her face. I didn’t deserve that luxury any more. I didn’t deserve her, but…if I could just convince her otherwise now, maybe I would have a chance.
My eyes were wide as they gazed down in her direction, eyebrows nervously knotting together as I wiped her cheeks dry from tears. Gently, I wrapped my arms around her, embracing her figure close to me and knowing that I was probably just digging myself into a deeper hole.
“Don’t go.” I whispered into her soft hair, voice cracking, making me sound much younger than I wanted to at this moment as I felt my hands start to shake around her. I drew back, dropping one of my hands, but leaving the other one tracing the line of her jaw, until my fingers found her chin.

I…
I wanted to kiss her.
But I stopped myself before I could let that thought progress any more, and I squeezed my eyes shut, silently praying that this would work.
“Can we talk?” I murmured, finally letting my hand drop, the warmth of her body drifting away from me as I slowly opened my eyes, nervously searching through my eternal darkness, trying to listen for some sort of small, faint noise from her. Something to tell me what she was thinking. Anything.

The very last thing I expected was for him to come after me. After the things he'd said to me? I would have expected him to watch me with a smirk on his face as I walked away from everything. But instead I felt his hands against my shoulders and he turned me to face him. Yet I couldn't bring myself to look up into his eyes. I knew that if I did, I was going to get hopelessly lost in their deep color.
His charm would draw me in the way it had when we first met..despite all the hurt he'd put me through over the last 12 hours. I couldn't afford to let that happen.

The feeling of his warm touch wiping away my tears, though it did little good, was welcome. Even through my pain his touch was calming. If it weren't for the fact that I still wanted to leave I would have leaned into his touch.
Then he drew me towards him and embraced me. I brought my arms up between us but instead of pushing him away the way I wanted to, they came to rest palm-down against his chest.
His voice whispered into my ear and I felt the tears flow even harder than before.
Why is he doing this?
Why would he knowingly hurt me but then turn around and do this? It made no sense..

When he drew away I slowly looked up at him. I wanted to slap him. I wanted to hurt him the way he'd hurt me. Yet I also wanted to grab him and smother him with kisses. My mind told me to turn away from everything but my heart somehow still hung on to the possibility that somehow..he might still be able to patch up the tears he'd caused to it.
Maybe there was a way that things could work. But could they? I didn't know.

"Fine." I murmured quietly with a sigh as I adjusted the strap of my bag and began back towards my room. I knew I shouldn't show this kind of weakness. I knew it would do nothing but bring me more pain. He was just going to hurt me again. I knew it.
All he'd done was hurt me. Just like everyone else. The one time I'd thought I found someone who was different he turned out to be just as bad if not worse than the others. But even with this in mind, I couldn't bring myself to turn away from him.

Once back in my room I set my bag and settled down on my bed, placing my hands together in my lap as I waited for him to join me in the room. There was a heavy tense silence between us. The kind that you could cut with a knife if you wanted to. However I was not going to be the first one to speak. I had nothing to say or explain.
He was the one who wanted to talk about..whatever it was he wanted to talk about. I had no idea. It didn't make any sense.

As she turned away to walk back to her room, I couldn’t believe it. I stood there for a good second, eyebrows raised in surprise before I turned my face up to the ceiling, making a shocked face as I shook my head slightly. A moment passed before I was scrambling over my own legs to catch up with the girl, and once more I was in her room.
Slowly, I closed the door behind me with a small sigh. Sure, I had talked her into staying…for now. But that was only half the battle.

“Sophie was my whole world. I was still just a kid, eighteen or something. She was a patient here, and she…” It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I had never talked to anyone about Sophie, I hadn’t even thought about her name for years until today. I pressed my forehead against the door, knocking against it once or twice, back turned to Molly, who sat on the bed quietly like a little doll.
“She was a coke head, and a year after I fell for her she broke me.” I murmured, turning and sliding down against the door, sitting in a crumpled ball and closing my eyes, head lolling down faintly.

“Last night…” I frowned, searching for words and trying not to sound crazy at the same time...was turning out to be a difficult task. “Last night, I wanted to know what you looked like so badly.” I put my face in my hands, shielding myself from Molly so she wouldn’t see how ashamed of myself I was. “But I was scared that I was getting ahead of myself. I was scared that…”

I was scared that I was falling for her the same way I had fallen for Sophie, but that was getting a little deep. Molly probably already thought I was a basket-case, telling her I had a thing for her could just make it worse.
“I was scared.” I said in a small voice, like a little boy as I ran my hands through my hair, sighing and shaking my head. Turning myself slightly, so she could see just one profile of my face now. I stretched one of my legs out, biting down on my lower lip as I searched for words, the things I wanted to say tumbling out of my mouth before I could stop them.
“In some ways, you remind me of the way…I felt before things turned to shit. You remind me of how happy I was before I started hating myself, before I didn’t care about anything. When I met you…I started to feel again.” I shook my head for the millionth time, drawing myself up to a standing position.

“Molly, I’m so sorry for being such an asshole.” I said, all emotion leaving my face as I turned into a ghost, like I had earlier. Turning into just a shell of myself, putting my hand on the door knob as I closed my eyes, voice cracking faintly. “That’s it. I’ll piss off.”

I waited patiently for him to speak. I wasn't quite sure what to expect. What was he going to say? Was he going to explain himself? Was I going to find out exactly what had caused him to hurt me so deeply the night before and this afternoon? Or maybe he was going to just blabber about nothing.
Just when the silence grew to be unbearable he began to speak and I almost let out a breath of relief. I'd almost thought that he'd brought me back to my room but he hadn't really thought over what he had to say to me.

When Adam started to explain himself to me I felt my jaw tighten. He told me about Sophie, the way he'd had his heart broken, and the fact that meeting me had brought feeling back to him. The last thing on the list was enough to make me feel like smiling but then I was reminded of the main problem I had with everything that had happened.
The reason I felt like running away from it all. But I waited for him to finish speaking before I started to respond. Not caring that he had his hand on the door handle. If he wanted to leave I wasn't going to stop him.

"I wanted you to know how I looked. I wanted you to know so we'd both be on a level playing field. So that, like right now, you'd know who you were talking to the way I know who I'm talking to. If only so you could turn away once you realized how out of your league I am." I said quietly as I looked up at him from the bed where I had been quietly sat up to this point. My mind wanted to say a couple thousand things at once but many of them were sealed away after what had happened.
Many of my feelings had become suppressed due to this fear that had settled upon me like a fog on a valley. I couldn't see a way around the fear that had settled over my mind.

"But now.. Now that I know I remind you of Sophie.. I'm scared I'm never going to be good enough to be Molly to you. I'll always be that girl who reminds you of Sophie. Last night showed me the painful truth behind that statement." I continued as I leaned back against the wall and pulled my knees up to my chest, hugging them tightly as my chin came to rest against my knees.
I closed my eyes for a few seconds before daring to go on with my thought.
"But I'm not Sophie. I'll never be Sophie. Hell, I'll probably never be as good as she was.. Not that it matters. You've made it clear you want nothing to do with me. I don't know why I'm still rambling." I sighed as the last statement passed my lips.

With my fingertips on the door, I paused to listen to her speak, ears perking up slightly at her words. Slowly, a wide smile spread across my face. It was stupid, and wrong, but I couldn't help it. After a moment, I found myself tightly closing my mouth to stop from laughing.
But even that attempt failed, and a soft chuckle escaped my lips, until I was laughing whole-heartedly, hand slipping as I leaned against the door , shaking my head as I turned toward Molly, who was done speaking.

"You...are so..." I shook my head again, grinning in her direction. I knew it was completely strange to do that, but at least I had stopped myself from laughing long enough to speak. Slowly, still smirking slightly, I sat down beside her on the bed, feeling warm as a few more boyish chuckles escaped my lips.

"You're such a goof, you know?" I drew my legs up to sit criss-cross-applesauce, like the way I used to as a kid, putting my face in my hands to hide another laugh, my voice coming out slightly muffled but highly amused. "You think...you think I care about what league we're in? Molly, I haven't seen myself since before I could grow facial hair." I turned to her, scratching the side of my head and playing with my hair faintly as I felt my grin drop slightly into a kind smile.
"You are so much more than an appearance, you silly girl." I shook my head at her, wanting to reach out and pull her into my lap and hug her...but I had a feeling that she still felt upset towards me.

Sighing lightly, I let my face turn a little more serious, a concerned twist of my eyebrows making my eyes widen slightly. "Molly, don't ever think that I don't want anything to do with you." I murmured softly, thinking back to the cruel things I had said to her that afternoon and cringing slightly, sighing a little more loudly and bumping her leg softly with mine, as a sign of affection.
"I'm sorry I'm such an idiot." I let my head fall back onto the wall as I stretched out my long legs, feeling my knees dangle off the edge of the bed.

For a few seconds there was nothing but silence in the room as I waited for him to either respond to my words or leave the room the way he had meant to when I stopped him with my voice. At first there was no kind of reaction until suddenly he began to chuckle quietly. I frowned as his chuckling grew louder until he was laughing like I'd told some kind of joke. What was he laughing at?
Was what I'd said funny to him somehow?
My mind quickly went over my words to make sure I hadn't said anything overly stupid but found nothing that was particularly funny in my dialogue.

Suddenly he was coming towards me and before I could move he was sat down on the bed next to me. I watched him for a few more seconds still utterly confused by his laughing. Once he'd calmed himself down enough though he began to speak and he explained himself somewhat.
Roughly he explained that he didn't care about what league I was in or the league he was in. Which made complete sense in a way though I could hardly believe he wouldn't have at least some kind of an idea as to how attractive he was, if only because he could barely take a step without being hit on by one girl or another.

When he finished speaking there was silence for the longest of times. I said nothing because I didn't know what to say. A part of me didn't want to forgive him after all the pain he'd put me through.. but the part of me that still had incredibly strong feelings for him wanted to pull him into my lap so I could cradle him in my lap, look down into his beautiful eyes, and run my fingers through his luscious hair.
Instead I silently drew my legs up onto the bed, laying them across his lap, as I scooted in his direction. With a small curl of my body I was leaning into his side and soon my head came to gently rest against his chest. A kind of half-cuddle.

"You're not forgiven.." I murmured quietly as I let myself lay there silently snuggled into his side. As angry and hurt as I was by what he'd said to me over the last few hours, I couldn't help that a part of me still wanted to be together with him. Regardless of how much he still felt for that Sophie girl..and the way I reminded him of her.
"If you ever call me Sophie again, I'm going to smack you." I raised my head and added after a couple seconds in a voice that was half-playful but also half-serious, giving his side a little poke with my finger to emphasize my point.

As my head came back to settle against his chest I closed my eyes to listen to the sound of his heart beating. It was a soft comforting rhythm that made me want to fall asleep. All the emotional strain I'd been through over the last few hours was tiring enough in and of itself.
I let out a quiet sigh as I took in the small things about him. The warmth his body gave off while I was so close to him, his scent mixed with a hint of cigarette, but most of all the sense of comfort that came with his presence.

ooc: No worries! Good to know you're getting better!