The Wasteland's Finest (Zalgo vs. Kristie vs. Cryppy)

First topic message reminder :

"AWWWOOOO! Hey there, children, it's me, Three Dog! How you kids handlin' Post-Apocalyptia today?"

Welcome to theworld after the world. The remains of Washington D.C., to be exact. You and I are part of a caravan crew, roaming around the wasteland, selling our wares, which mostly are made up of weapons, ammo, clothing, Stimpacks, and random junk.

We've been like this since we were kids, best friends and all. Both of us grew up in the settlement of Megaton, where a live atomic bomb sits at the middle in a small pool of water and the walls are made of scrap metal from old airplanes and such.

We just had a big sale of recon armor and power armor for the Brotherhood of Steel and are on the way to their base of operations, the Citadel, located within the ruins of the Pentagon building. We're travelling from Girdershade, which is deep within Enclave territory. Unfortunately, the Enclave and the Brotherhood of Steel are at war. Who will we ultimately side with in this war for the Capitol Wasteland?

Key to colors:
White=text.
Indigo and brown Indicate what I'm saying.
Red is Three Dog speaking on Galaxy News Radio.
Green is John Henry Eden speaking on Enclave Radio.
Blue is random NPC's talking.
Cyan will be the character known as "The Lone Wanderer". We'll get to him later.

“After the television set that just popped out of no where, I couldn’t agree more. We don’t want to give anything that’s here too much to think over how it should kill us, eh?” I took the Magnum from my belt and held it in front of me with both hands. Turning away from where Zalgo was coming form, I stepped to the front doors of the Plant, and slowly open it with my right hand. The huge door opened with a rusted creecking sound about three inches, where I use my foot to open it the rest of the way.

“Anybody home?” I said as the door opened more and more. When the door was open, I put my back to it and looked down the hall, not seeing much but damp and dry, if that makes sense, walls and floors. I whistled like I was calling a dog down the hallway, it echoing loudly, “Here boy, come on!” When nothing moved I lowered my gun and turned to Zalgo. “Either they’re playing hide and seek, or we’re in the clear. Given our luck today, I’ll go with the first.”

OOC- This is the picture of the Plant I'm going off of, hope it's the right one: http://fallout.wikia.com/wiki/Nuka-Cola_plant

Zalgo stepped through the doors. He looked around the room, seeing 2 vending machines were flashing near the door to the right and a line of 12 filing cabinets behind the counter to the left. He tossed the crowbar to Kristie before jumping of the counter to check what was inside. "Have at 'em, Kristie, and save a Quantum for me if you find any." He said, opening the first filing cabinet's drawers and rummaging around. A couple books, 20 caps, a couple 5.56mm bullets, and a silencer for a Chinese Pistol. In the next one he found a combat knife and 3 more caps, and in the third he picked out a Pre-War hat. Not much of importance was in the others, so he didn't take anything but a clipboard and a pencil. They had to do inventory later, so why not take some shit they'd need for that?

“Yes sir.” I caught the crowbar, then returned my Magnum to it’s home around my waist. The first vending machine of the two had a much dimmer flash than that of the second one, and it definitely looked more beat up. I suppose when this place was up and runnin’, the second one was brought in after they thought this one here was gonna kick the bucket. Lucky for me though, because it made this part a bit easier, at least that’s what I expect.

I had the crowbar at a height that was equally between my hipline and my chest, where I could get the best position to put force onto it. It slid into the slot along the side easily, and the instant I got a good hold onto it, I pushed forward on the crowbar. The top of it had un-jammed, and that left only the bottom to boost off before the door of the machine would open all the way for me. “Now, now, don’t be stubborn. I could always use a bullet instead.” Talking to a vending machine – Classy.

The bottom opened just as easily, and the door swung open. Nuka Cola, and reasonable amount of it given what I had expected there to be in the machine. “Normal.. Normal.. Normal, AH.” A couple Quantums were at the bottom of a stock – To think, I would’a gottin’ it next! “Your lucky day bud.” I called, reaching down to remove it from the slot. As I did though, the rest of ‘em slide down and caused a racket of the bottles against each other. “That was me..” I put the bottle onto the floor and went to take the other one that was in the slot next to it. This time, as I was pulling out I held the bottle above so I could lower the rest down. "How's it goin' in there Rambo? I got only one to crack open, than we can split."

Zalgo cringed at the clamor of the Nukas crashing down. "Careful! You'll wake the security!" Zalgo said, opening another drawer to find a sensor module and a baseball. He pokceted the sensor module, knowing they sold REALLY well, usually for around 30 caps. He left the baseball. They were shit on the market.

The next filing cabinet was locked. "Shit." Zalgo muttered, looking around. He grabbed a nearby screwdriver and a small metal wire he saw on the ground and attempted to pick the lock. "Right... Up... Lef- No, Up again... Left... and..." He heard a click and opened the drawer, searching through the contents. He found a folded up piece of paper and a tin can with a bunch of wires sticking out of it. He read the masking tape around the can, which read "DANGER: RADIATION." "Yeah, what the fuck doesn't have radiation?" He muttered to himself, chucking the can down the hallway. He unfolded the paper, looking over it. It was schematics for a grenade of some sort. Just as he finished reading the title, he heard an explosion and saw, out of the corner of his eye, a bright blue light and smoke and heard "UNABLE TO CONTAAAAaaaaa..."

"Well, hello, new toy!" Zalgo said, folding up the schematics for the so-called "Nuka Grenade" and pocketing them before grabbing the Nuka-Cola Quantum Kristie had placed on the floor. He popped the cap off and drank, smiling to himself.

Random noises that we can’t identify, except that it’s probably another walking gadget that’s going to slow us down and put Zalgo into a panic state because we may be late – Story of our lives, or this journey at least. “That however, was not me.” I said, turning from the vending machine and looking for a second to wear the sound had come from. For the moment I couldn’t see anything, and when Zalgo walked out to grab his Nuka-Cola Quantum, I figured it couldn’t be that important or much of a worry.

“Well that was both irrelevant, and random.” I jammed the crowbar into the second vending machine, and surprisingly the entire door swung open on the first shot. You’d of thought the older one would have been an easy break compared to this, but I guess the manufactures got lazy – They all do eventually. Except with guns.. They were always done rather nicely. “Makes no bloody sense, but who gives a shit, less work for me. I see a crap load of Nuka-Colas, and maybe one Quantum in this one. Sucks for you, but I’m fond of the normal brand.” Again remembering to lower down those on top with my hand, I pulled out his Quantum and left it on the floor. I wonder just how many of these he’d let me store on the cart.. They were handy, and tasted pretty fuckin’ good. “If only the radiation had done something useful, like, Brahmin being able to breed and grow up in thirty seconds, but no. So, how many can we take before ‘ridiculous’ sets in? I don’t want to be here when they get tired of playing hide and seek.”

Kristie lowered another Quantum to the floor, which Zalgo quickly picked up. He didn't drink this one though, instead taking one of the normal ones. He only drank one Quantum a day. He didn't want his pee to glow for 3 days straight again.

"Alright, kiddo, let's skedaddle." Zalgo said, Three Dog's voice coming from the radio again.

"Hello Capital Wasteland! How's everyone doin'? Good news out of the settlement of Megaton. The live atomic bomb in the center of town has finally been deep sixed. Sources tell me that none other than that kid from Vault 101, son of James, was commissioned by a certain Lucas Simms to disarm the nasty nuke. Hey, Great job, 101. If you're ever in the neighborhood, drop into the studio. Ol' Three Dog's toaster's on the fritz." And then "I Put a Spell on You" by Screamin' Jay Hawkins started playing.

"Well, shit, I guess someone finally did something about that fuckin' thing. 'Bout damn time, too. Always hated livin' near that fucker." Zalgo said, checking the time again. 5:15 A.M. Sun should be starting to come up by now.

“Yea yea, I’ll grab a couple and we’ll take off.” From the top of the stack I pulled out two Nuka-Colas, and closed the door to the vending machine back up. Since the lock was no broken, it hung open about an inch. I took one last look down the hallway and listened. I didn’t see, or hear anything other than the wind whipping through the broken glass windows. I guess whatever was there before, was long gone now, and anything still watching was losing its chance. Boo hoo.

“Another man on my ‘to meet’ list. If he can disarm a nuke, he’s quite the valuable little bugger. Lucas Simms.. Or whoever, better keep an eye on that one.” I turned and walked out of the factory, and to the Brahmin. The sun was just beginning to rise over the horizon. It use to be something I’d love to stand and watch.. Now, it was as simple as seeing it in the sky during the day. It was nothing but a ball of fire that’ll one day burn out and die, just like we will. “Let’s go.”

Zalgo opened the door, stepping out into the early morning light. He whistled to the Brahmin to stop grazing and come over to him. It slowly meandered over to him, and he put the Quantum in the cooler on its back.

"Follow the road. We'll get there soon." Zalgo said, clicking a couple buttons on his Pip-Boy.

"I'm actually highly intrigued by how a Vault Dweller was able to, only a day after leaving that Vault, disarm a NUKE. A WHOLE NUKE." Zalgo said, turning the radio off for a moment and checking his Geiger counter. Only traces of radiation, nothing majorly dangerous. He turned the radio back on. The song from earlier had just finished, and it switched immediately to "I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire" by the Ink Spots. A great song for this day and age if you asked him.

I shrugged my shoulders; it would a question only few would get the answer to. Who knows what kind of people, with what kind of knowledge were still in the Vault, their usefulness wasting away each day they spend in there. “Who knows, he may be the man that’ll make a dent in the Wastelands, or maybe he’ll go mad and eat a bullet after being up here for a little bit. Hopefully the first one.. If we had less of that radiated shit roaming around, perhaps things would get better. He’s got to be one smart ass little bugger.” I chucked the Nuka-Colas I’d been carrying into the cooler, just before we began heading down the road.

“In my heart, I have but one desire,” I started singing along with the radio, extremely off pitch I might add. The song had always touched a funny bone in me, and I couldn’t help but sing along in mockery, but in a good way.. If that makes sense? “, and that one is you. No other will dooooooooo.” I stopped, and coughed a couple times because of the loss of breath. Yea, I’d killed the song pretty well by now, but it was a smile.

Zalgo laughed to himself. "Hopefully we get to meet this 'Lone Wanderer', eh?" He said, keeping a steady pace. Arlington Library was seeable, so he knew they were close. And Downtown. Meaning Super Mutants could be anywhere.

"If you're gonna sing the whole time, I'll just shut the music off and we can listen to the noises of the Wasteland." Zalgo said, chuckling. He could see a small company of Brotherhood of Steel Paladins walk into Arlington Library, knowing they had a smaller outpost there as well. "Besides, we're almost there. So shut yer trap."

“Jealous of my beautiful singing?” I asked in a juvenile voice, walking over to him and staring up like a small child. Quickly though, my face turned into a smirk and I gave him a small shove with my arm. “Lighten up Zalgo, we’ve been in worse places than the Arlington Library,” I stopped for a second so the cart would get up to me, when it did I kept the pace, so I was walking next to it. “, and we always get out of those places in tact.. Most of the time.” I took out the shotgun from my belt, seeing as it had no shells, and I didn’t exactly want to go to the Citadel looking like I was ready to kill some shit. A Magnum would suffice fine, so I put the gun into the cart, and covered it over. “I do hope we get to meet the genius wanderer, you know, before something tries to kill him. I wonder how the saps adapting to the Wastelands.”

Zalgo laughed, looking back to Kristie. "Oh please, Kristie, we both know I've got a MUCH better voice than you do." He said, rounding the corner of the road. He could see the Jefferson Memorial accross the Potomac River, along with the Citadel straight ahead along the road.

"Here's a question for all you faithful listeners. Have you guys and gals ever seen...a tree? No, no, no! Not those shriveled-up black things! I'm talking real trees: brown bark, green leaves, photosynthesis, all that good stuff. Now what if I, the all-powerful Three Dog—bow wow wow—were to tell you that somewhere right here in the Capital Wasteland is a place with lots of trees? A veritable Oasis of green in that depressing sea of brown? Look, it was years ago—and I may have been experimenting with Jet at the time—but I'm telling you; it's out there."

Zalgo laughed at the radio for the first time in a while. At least Three Dog knew how to keep his listeners entertained.

I could hear the radio clearly from where I was, and right now I wish I couldn’t. “I really hate it when he does that..” Oasis? Why is that sap mentioning things like that? I love his station as much as the next person, but sometimes there are things you just shouldn’t do, and in this case, it’s givin’ the people some false hope about a place away from the Wastelands. Our air was radiated, the soil dried and destroyed, and it was always warm. An Oasis.. Wasn’t possible, nothing like that was. Can’t he give these people some realistic hope? Like, maybe that this new Loner will get rid of the nukes that are terrifying people. “How much longer?”

"About 5 minutes. And at least he's got a sense of humor about this fuckin' place, eh?" Zalgo said, clicking the radio off. He saw two Super Mutants walking ahead of them, one with a sledgehammer and the other with a Hunting Rifle. Wanting to keep their caravan intact, he stopped about 50 yards from them before grabbing his 10mm pistol, taking aim at the head of the one with the rifle, and firing 5 shots. The first 2 hit the Super Mutant directly in the head, while the other three got its shoulders and neck.The Mutant fell, but its "friend" turned around to see Zalgo and Kristie.

"STUPID HUMAN. ME KILL YOU NOW." The Mutant yelled, running at them. He swung his sledgehammer at everything in his way, knocking cars into the Potomac, smashing broken lightposts, and crushing fire hydrants. Just as he got to the caravan and was about to crash down with all his might, He stopped midswing, a look of anguish on his face as he fell forward. The back of his head had a massive hole, showing his deformed brain and the FEV virus pouring from his blood.

Zalgo looked up from the gruesome sight, seeing a man in a strangely armored... Jumpsuit? And he had a Pip-Boy on his arm! "Can I help you, sir?" Zalgo asked, holstering his weapon.

"Yeah, what the FUCK was that thing?!" The stranger asked. Zalgo started laughing hysterically at what he thought was a joke from the man standing in front of him.

“Super Mutants.” I answered the stranger, who, by the look on his face was a tad shooken by the sight of them. I walked from the cart and over a bit to him, so he could see who’d answered him – Zalgo’s big head was blocking me.

“You’re telling me you’ve never seen a nasty little Super Mutant? You must have at least heard of them, it’s not like they’re uncommon.” I looked over him while I was asking the questions, and noticed the Pip-Boy on his arm. No, no way. No way in hell would Nuke boy just appear out here like he took a damn walk. It’s a nice thought, but he’s probably just another random escape of one of the Vaults, there seem to be quite a few of those now. The poor bastard.

“Name?” I asked, running my hand down to just above my gun, which just made it look like I was holding my hip. Oh, yea, I also don’t like strangers.. It’s not necessarily a bad thing now a day.

"Harry. Harry Spots. Say, I'm looking for someone. My father, James. You two haven't seen him, have ya?" The man said, turning around, looking around. The number 101 was stitched on the back of his jumpsuit. When Zalgo saw this, he instantly stopped laughing, his eyes opening wide as he straightened up and held his hand back to Kristie, motioning for her to not pull her weapon just yet.

"You're from the Vault? The one near Megaton?" Zalgo asked, quickly checking his Pip-Boy, seeing the time was now 7:30A.M. They still had 4 hours, they could show this kid around the main area if he asked.

"Yeah. Well, I think it was Megaton, is that the place with the nuke in the middle?" The guy asked, turning back to them.

"Yeah. Three Dog said someone had disarmed that thing. Wouldn't happen to have been you, would it?" He asked, stepping forward, trying to read the guy's face.

Sweet baby Jesus he was going to get us all killed. A man who can disarm a bloody nuke is.. Priceless. At first I thought it would be the greatest experience to meet such a man, and talk about how he got out of the Vault, but now that he was here.. I wanted him gone.

..Then again, priceless, always has a price. I know every man has his rights, but that was before the Wastelands, now, everyone had some sort of price tag stitched to them. If this was who I, and apparently Zalgo thought it was, he needs to hide his damn face until he becomes useful. I took my hand away from my gun throwing out that hostile exterior. “We’re on a bit of a deadline kid, was it you?”

The stranger started to speak until Zalgo held up his hand, looking at Kristie. "According to my watch, we have a good 4 and a half hours until our shipment needs to be where it's going." He turned to the Vault Dweller. "How about a bit of help for our possible... What's the word I'm looking for... Messiah?" Zalgo said, laughing.

"Ha, I dunno about that. I'm just lookin' for my dad." Harry says, laughing a bit.

"Well, time'll tell." Zalgo said, stepping past the guy.

"So, I just got an update on that James fellow, father o' 101, right? Well, it seems he headed off to Rivet City to go talk to the head scientist, a certain "Dr. Li", about some massive project the two of them worked on 19 years ago. Somethin' about clean water for everyone and all! Hey, a man can dream, right?" The radio chimed in before changing to music again. "Fox Boogie".

"Wait, did that say he knew someone in... Rivet City? But... We've lived in the Vault all our lives..." Harry asked.

"Dunno. Listen, Lemme check your Pip-Boy right quick. I'll fix your map up, give yo uthe locations of the major settlements and some places where me 'n' Kristie found some good stuff. You'll wanna take these too." Zalgo said, handing the guy 25 caps, 13 10mm bullets, and the Chinese pistol he had picked up earlier. Harry clicked on the map on his Pip-Boy, and Zalgo punched in a couple of coordinates, putting Andale, Tenpenny Tower, Megaton, the Museum of Natural History/Underworld, Megaton, Rivet City, Girdershade, the Republic of Dave, Paradise Falls, Big Town, the Nuka-Cola plant, Dunwich Building, the Citadel, Capitol Building, and the White House Ruins.

"Hey, thanks, man." Harry said, holstering the pistol.

"Hey, it's no problem. Hit us up if you see us again, alright?" Zalgo said. "Oh, and watch out for the Muties, the Enclave, and the Outcasts. Brotherhood's decent folk. And don't call the Ghouls zombies. They won't hesitate to kill you." He said, smiling.

“That was nice.. But you know he’s gonna die, right? He has no capabilities of surviving out here; even with the supplies you gave him, and a Pip-Boy won’t do much for him. He may be a smart ass with nukes, but out here he’s about as sharp as a Brahmin’s nose.” I said to Zalgo, in a light voice a bit higher than a whisper so our departing guest couldn’t hear me. I had the mixed feelings about letting this one go. Sure, he probably could have gotten us killed eventually, but him walking off just looked like, to me, that he was walking into his own grave. Vault Dwellers need to adjust, and that takes time.

“I’d love to see his expression the first time he gets a good look at a Deathclaw.” An odd smile formed in my face, perhaps one that had a bit of arrogance in it.. Who knows? But this day was turning out to be weirder and weirder, and I just wanted it to be over. To top it off, I felt the nausea coming back in my stomach, peachy.

"Now, now, Kristie, you heard Three Dog, didn't you? 'A man can dream, right?' Let him try the Wastes out. If he hates it out here, he can head back into a Vault." Zalgo said, walking down the road. The giant metal gate to the Citadel was in view. One of the Paladins stood outside with a minigun, protecting the gate along with a sentry bot and a Mister Gutsy. "Another glorious day in this man's army, sir! Ma'am!" The Mister Gutsy said, attempting a salute with its plasma arm.

"Good thing, RL2-Cerb. How's everything working in the Citadel?" Zalgo said, nodding to the machine.

"Just the same damn thing every day. Prime's being a lazy ol' bastard, Elder Lyons is worryin' about his kid and her squadmates, and more of those fuckin' deserters come by to take potshots at the gates. I say fuck 'em all, and those Enclave asswipes, don't'cha think, sir?" RL2-Cerb replied.

"True that, Cerb. Anyway, we were told yo uguys needed a shipment of Power Armor and energy weapons, am I right? Kristie, why don't you show 'em what we got?" Zalgo said, turning to Kristie again.

“Mhmm.” I muttered, walking over to the cart and flinging off the cover we had over everything. My God.. It’s a mess. We never did do the inventory that I wanted.. Like always. “Alright,” I said, taking in a deep breath for the ramble I knew was coming a long, “we’ve got 10 Sensor Modules, 3 Laser Rifles, 10 Laser Pistols along with a Plasma Pistol. 2 sets of Enclave Armour, 1 set of Enclave Tesla Armour, 5 sets of T-45d Power Armour, 10 Power Armour Helmets, and 25 Pulse mines.” I stopped the rant and inhaled dramatically. Fastest mentally inventory I’ve ever done, in record time I might add.

“Oh, and a fuck load of Microfusion Cells, several Energy Cells, 15 scrap pieces of metal, 10 conductors, 3 Pre-War toasters, 5 Cameras and one radio that’s beat to shit broken. Now, if that’s not the best hall we’ve ever done I don’t know what is. How’s it look to you Cerb?”

RL2-Cerb floats over to the cart, examining everything they had. "Well, the Power Armor and the weapons'll be good, Rothchild could use the Cameras and modules, and I could use a couple repairs, so the scrap metal's stayin'. How about...2000 caps for the whole deal? That alright with you, sir?" The robot asked, aiming one of his eyes at Zalgo, a second at Kristie, and the third staying aimed at the inventory.

"Really, Cerb? We get you all this nice shit, good condition, and you're saying only 2000? You know how we roll. No less than 3000." Zalgo replied, nudging the robot's cold metal frame.

"Listen, kid, the Brotherhood's gettin' pretty low on supplies, and they ain't got much in the way of caps. Besides, that radio's beaten to shit, so I doubt you'd be able to sell it for much. Here, 2500, final offer." Cerb said, pulling a sack of bottle caps from a side compartment near his combat inhibitor with his only grabby hand.

"Gee, I dunno, what do you think, Kristie? 2500 enough for all this shit?" Zalgo asked her, smiling a salesman's smirk.

“2500… It’s a hard decision. But I suppose it is the compromising price, so since it’s you Cerb, I think we can swing for 2500, eh Zalgo?” I said in a teasing tone to the robot, along with a wink. 2500 was relatively decent for what we got, so it wasn’t a real loss for us, also since we didn’t pay for this stuff anyways.

“You got a deal bud.” I finished, taking the rest of the cover off the cart and exposing the entire lot.

"Damn, soldiers, you're good negotiators." Cerb said before handing the sack of caps to Zalgo, who took the stuff off the cart and dropped it in front of the Paladin with the minigun.

"Thanks, Cerb. How about you come tell us of any transactions the Brotherhood needs next time. I'm always somewhat creeped out when the same messenger comes by." Zalgo said, chuckling a little.

"See what I can do, sir, but I doubt it. I'm on guard duty for the whole month." Cerb said, saluting again.

"Good, stand down, Soldier." Zalgo said, saluting the robot. "C'mon, Krisite. Round 'o drinks on me at the Muddy Rudder. Let's head to Rivet City." Zalgo said, putting the sack of caps on the Brahmin.

"Abso-fuckin'-lutely. I say we worked enough to spend some caps on a little leisure," I paused and looked dead at the sac of caps he'd loaded into the cart, "perhaps a lot of leisure." I finished with a grin of pure pleasure. I was playin' around of course, and understood the term 'budget', but HEY, when was the last time we got to sit around and drink like fools? Plus, what doesn't River City have? We could stalk up, get some needs, some wants, and maybe even work on making our new toys.

"Audios Cerb." I didn't even know if he heard it or paid attention, but I was in a good damn mood. "C'mon c'mon Zalgo! Let's get going, the sooner we get there the sooner we can relax properly."