The Wasteland's Finest (Zalgo vs. Kristie vs. Cryppy)

First topic message reminder :

"AWWWOOOO! Hey there, children, it's me, Three Dog! How you kids handlin' Post-Apocalyptia today?"

Welcome to theworld after the world. The remains of Washington D.C., to be exact. You and I are part of a caravan crew, roaming around the wasteland, selling our wares, which mostly are made up of weapons, ammo, clothing, Stimpacks, and random junk.

We've been like this since we were kids, best friends and all. Both of us grew up in the settlement of Megaton, where a live atomic bomb sits at the middle in a small pool of water and the walls are made of scrap metal from old airplanes and such.

We just had a big sale of recon armor and power armor for the Brotherhood of Steel and are on the way to their base of operations, the Citadel, located within the ruins of the Pentagon building. We're travelling from Girdershade, which is deep within Enclave territory. Unfortunately, the Enclave and the Brotherhood of Steel are at war. Who will we ultimately side with in this war for the Capitol Wasteland?

Key to colors:
White=text.
Indigo and brown Indicate what I'm saying.
Red is Three Dog speaking on Galaxy News Radio.
Green is John Henry Eden speaking on Enclave Radio.
Blue is random NPC's talking.
Cyan will be the character known as "The Lone Wanderer". We'll get to him later.

Zalgo startd laughing, turning towards the Potomac. Across the irradiated river, he could see the Jefferson Memorial nad, back behind that, the aircraft carrier that is Rivet City.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll get there soon. I mean, it's just a hop, skip, 'n' a jump from here." Zalgo said, walking towards the Arlington Bridge. Walking across it would take them to the Jefferson Memorial, and then it was just a shorrt swim in irradiated water to get to Rivet City. Easy enough.

"Well, soon would come faster if you got moving a bit quicker bud." I teased, racing about four feet ahead of the cart on the path. A day of Deathclaws, Enclave, and let's not forget the five star sleeping arrangements last night that all meant Rivet City, was a necessity. Hell, the swim that was soon to come wasn't even something concerning me right now.

"Our plans for the swim? Or, are we just gonna dive in and hope for the best?" I called back, turned backwards from the direction of the path and facing the cart and Zalgo.

"Swim ain't what I'm worried about." Zalgo murmured to himself. The Jefferson Memorial had become notorious for having a massive amount of Super Mutant activity around, especially their Centaur abominations. Those little fuckers were always causing trouble, and he hated them for it.

"People of the Capital Wasteland, you can HEAR MEEEE!!!! Yeeeaa haaaa!!! You can't stop the signal, baby! That's right, from Megaton to Girdershade, Paradise Falls to the Republic of Dave, we are coming to you loud and proud, in a special live report! But Three Dog! You're in that cool radio studio in D.C. How do YOU know I can hear you, all the way out here in the ass end of nowhere? Because of the kid from Vault 101, that's how! That cat ctually managed to repair our antenna relay. How's that for ingenuity, folks? From here on in, it's bye-bye stupid static, hello magnificent music. So sit back, relax, and absorb these classic tunes. Kid, you get your ass back to GNR, you hear me? We've got some stuff to talk about"

Zalgo looked down at the Pip-Boy. "How'd he get there so quick-like? Washington Monuments like, a mile away." He mentioned before shrugging and heading towards the bridge to the Memorial, reloading his pistol in the process.

“Luckily little bastard..” I muttered, hearing that the scrawny Vault Dweller had actually made it there in one piece. It was a damn good thing I didn’t bet money on him getting eaten like I wanted to. Gambling on lives, one of my favourite pass times of the Wasteland.

“The Centaur folk.. Things.. Always a trouble.” I agreed, knowing what he was implying when he said the swim wasn’t his worry. The Super Mutants were.. I guess not as important to me. They were easy to kill depending on the numbers, after that.. It just became a sport. Oh, that’s when thing got really fun – Sometimes I love the Wastelands. “We’ll think of a plan last minute, we always do. Just make sure everything is loaded, and we should be at least prepared if it comes to that.”

"Hmmm... A plan..." Zalgo mumbled to himself, rummaging around in his pocket to pull out a small device he had picked up in Girdershade. He attatched it to the side of his Pip-Boy, then grabbed Kristie's wrist. "Let's see if the rumors are true." He said, crouching down after pushing 3 buttons. A Stealth field surrounded him and Kristie almost immediately, making them almost invisible. "We should have about an hour with this, so let's be really fuckin' quick." Zalgo said, tugging on Kristie's wrist. "Oh, and stick close. If we get separated, the field'll disappate from you." After he said this, he turned the radio off. Didn't want anything giving them away. He left the Brahmin with RL2-Cerb and the Brotherhood. They'd take care of it. He knew they would.

"Now c'mon. Let's move." Zalgo said, crouch-running across the 50-yard long bridge. It was an awkward feeling, running that way, but they had to do it to survive.

“Where the hell do you get all these toys..” I said, stunned when the field first completely covered us. I was definitely going to look around for one of these once we got to Rivet City.. Useful little thing.

We’d begun across the bridge, and we were barely across when the position we were running in was getting more and more irritating on my thighs. Oh, there was a burn.. God I’m out of shape. “Wanna explain to me how this thing works exactly? I feel like we’re on the inside of a plastic bag, except slightly more badass.”

"No idea, Pre-War Communist technology. Something about bending light rays away from us or some shit like that." Zalgo whispered, seeing a Centaur behind a ruined car. He stopped his running, still holding Kristie's wrist.

"Shhh. Just a second." Zalgo whispered, letting go of Kristie's wrist for a second, rendering her visible. The centaur turned to see her and started crawling towards the two of them, spitting its goopy spit at them. Its aim was horrible, so it missed most of the time. A good thing, Zalgo thought as he pulled the pistol from his side, aiming at the Centaur's tongues.

“Oh you dick..” I said, sounding only slightly annoyed by the fact I was out in the open, and had one of the butt ugliest Centaurs running right towards me. Couldn’t just sneak us past the thing OH NO we had to blow the cover.. I hope he has a reason for this.

“Yea, yea, spit spit spit, miss miss miss. Fuckin’ die.” I pulled the rifle around from my back and held it up, not taking the strap off me, but instead just turning enough so I could aim and shoot. “Don’t spit don’t spit don’t spit..” I rambled, as it got closer. I aim for it’s front, right hand.. Leg.. Whatever, and the bullet shot right through the middle joint, completely splitting it in half. “OH YEA. FUCK YOU.. It’s still running..” WHAT?! Stubborn, ugly, motherfucker. Although it’s back right leg would be a slightly easier target.. Seeing it go face first into the ground would be hilarious. I aim for it’s left, front leg and held it there until it was steady enough. He was running like a ruhtard, and it was hard to keep a straight shot on him for very long. “Huh.. He’s getting really close..” I took the shot, and it hit, but sadly it wasn’t the same effect as last time.

I went to aim for it’s head, but when it came into the aims view, I could see it violently spitting around itself and towards us. “Now would be a good time to help..”

"NOW!" Zalgo shouted, and just like that, a single Vertibird flew over, bearing the Brotherhood of Steel insignia spraypainted on its side, and fired Tesla cannon bursts at the cars on the bridge, causing them to explode and cause a chain reaction all the way down to the Jefferson Memorial, luckily, not destroying any of the scaffolding around it. The Centaur and 3 Super Mutants were obliterated in the explosion, while the attention of the remaining abominations were directed towards the Brotherhood's Vertibird.

"Quick, before we're noticed." Zalgo said to Kristie, grabbing her wrist, causing the stealth field to envelop her again.

Awh.. I was a bit disappointed that we didn’t get to finish off our Centaur. Even if he was spraying radioactive crap all over the place and endangering our – I’m sorry, my life.. Poor ugly little bastard. Just rollin’ around on the ground. I used my other hand to reposition the rifle to my back again, then turning to Zalgo. “See, I’m debating smacking you right now. But I KNOW you’ll have a completely logical reason for using me as bait for that Centaur, riiiiiiight?”

Zalgo smiled. "Nope. No logical reason. Just wanted to see your face." he said, laughing. He started walking a little ways before hearing a fizzling sound. The device on his Pip-Boy started smoking and crackling, before findally crashing to the ground, the stealth field instantly flickering away.

"Well that was a fucking waste of 30 caps." Zalgo cursed to himself. He stepped on the remains of the so-caled "Stealth Boy", knowing it couldn't be used for parts. It was too small, after all.

"Well, sneak tactics engaged, eh?" Zalgo said, letting go of Kristie's wrist and rolling behind a ruined car. They couldn't be seen, especially not by a Behemoth. God help them if that happened.

Okay, scratch that bit about wanting to find one of those toys when I get to Rivet City.. They’re shit. Not just any shit, 30 caps worth of quality shit. At this point, I was looking forward to the bloody swim – No pun intended.

I rolled over, similar to how Zalgo had done it – Psshft, only fuckin’ better – to the ruined car and landed just beside him, edging over to get myself better covered instead of hanging off the side, so to speak. “Well I’m glad you got your jollies,” I whispered, “the next time, I’ll make sure to swallow some radioactive seepage. You may just piss yourself laughing.”

Zalgo chuckled, turning the radio back on, but turning it way the fuck down. Three Dog's voice instantly spoke the following.

"And now the latest on that enigmatic Vault Outlaw, who only recently stepped out of Vault 101 and into our nightmares."

"Huh? 101? Huh. He seemed nice when we met him." Zalgo said, clutching his pistol as he crawled to a pile of rubble, chucking a chunk of it and hitting the scaffolding near the monument to distract a Super Mutant Brute.

"This, faithful listeners, is the story of a little boy. A little boy... named Bryan Wilks. You see, Bryan's from Grayditch, a small settlement that was recently overrun with overzealous Giant Ants. Bryan, sadly, was the sole survivor. That's where the kid from Vault 101 comes in, and where our story, unfortunately, gets even worse. You see, Mister Vault 101 may have stopped the Ant problem, but he couldn't be bothered to help poor little Bryan. Noooo. But, what did he do with the boy, Three Dog? Where's Bryan Wilks now? I'll tell you where Bryan Wilks is. He's at fucking Paradise Falls, that's where! Oh, you heard me right! 101, a little defenseless boy begged you for help, and what did you do? You SOLD HIM AS A FUCKING SLAVE! Shame, shame, shame on you..."

Zalgo stayed where he was, stunned by what he had just heard. That little fucker. That asshole. That... That... "FUCKING RETARD." Zalgo bellowed, alerting three Super Mutants to his presence.

I knew why he was mad, hell I was pretty pissed about it too.. BUT, we had three new problems on our hands – We could bitch and rant about in a couple seconds after we took out these faggots. I heavily sighed, exhausted by the consuming time it would take to kill these wastes of space. “This, this is why we shoot strangers that Kristie doesn’t like.” I was being only slightly sarcastic.

I ripped my wrist away from Zalgo, making myself completely visible to the Super Mutants, who, liked the dumbshit they are were still just staring in this direction. If they were waiting for an open invitation, here I am! Oh shit.. These ones are fast. Good! The best part about killing the ones that run at you really quickly, is you get to kill their souls, AND their confidence. Bonus!

I swung around the rifle, aiming at their heads just as easily as I’d done with Centaur’s legs. Click, “One Mississippi.” Right threw the head, and down goes Jimmy! It’s not his name, just an expression I heard.. Somewhere. Click, “Two Mississippi.” Bull’s-eye! Fuck I’m good. Click.. Nothing happened.. Click.. FUCK. “I have to reload, but he’ll probably get here before then. You mind doing something? Thanks.” I said that oddly calm.. Maybe because I was still feeling like I owed him a ‘I told you so’, and didn’t give much shit about the Super Mutant. I went into my pocket, and pulled out some bullets to load into the gun. No hurry, just taking my time. Either he’ll kill the Mutant, or it’ll kill us regardless. No big.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, next time we see him, shoot on sight." Zalgo grumbled, turning visible. The Stealth Boy had run out a while ago, but the effects lingered for a couple minutes after, luckily. He looked over the broken car, aiming at the last Super Mutant, now only mere yards away. He fired 3 shots, 2 hitting the Mutant in the chest, not even slowing it down, and the third hitting the sledgehammer in his hands, splintering the wood of the handle. "C'mon, drop you son of a bitch!" Zalgo shouted, firing 4 more shots, hitting the sledgehammer twice more, missing completely once, and hitting the Mutant in the forehead the fourth time, making it skid across the pavement, the legs hitting the car slightly, barely moving it. The sledgehammer's handle was completely busted, making it barely usable, but still useful. He picked up the part with the hammer end and placed it on his hip.

"Alright, let's get the fuck outta he-" Zalgo started before hearing a whirring sound, then a crash and an explosion, making him duck his head. He turned in the direction of the noise, seeing the Brotherhood's Vertibird, broken and burning, right near the Memorial, and 5 more Super Mutants running towards them, 1 wielding a sledgehammer, 1 with a Tri-beam Laser Rifle, 2 weilding boards with nails sticking out one end, and one with an M-16 assault rifle.

"Well, shit." Zalgo said, pulling the half-sledgehammer from his belt, holstering his pistol, and grabbing the Shishkebab's handle, pulling on the handbrake. The blade was instantly engulfed in flame. He charged at the Mutants, swinging the half-sledge to knock away debris in his way.

Almost as if I was ignoring the five Super Mutants charging at us, I rolled my eyes, and titled my head down just slightly like I was saying ‘You’re ridiculous..’. The Shishkebab looked pretty cool though, nice to see it in action. I should probably go help.. Except I think I have maybe two or three shots left in the Magnum.. Oh what the hell!

I took out the magnum, squeezed off a shot and got the attention of the Super Mutant with the Tri-Beam Laser Rifle.. Does he ever look pissed! HA! “Waaaaait a tick..” He sped faster towards me, separating from the group that was charing Zalgo and his toy – Seriously hope he doesn’t die in his Rambo act. Not sure if I’ve got one or two rounds left.. Should I check? Naaaaaw, just aim.

He raised his weapon and began aiming as he ran.. “Oops..” Before he could get a good lock on my skull, I jumped behind the ruined car and hid from the continuous shots being fired at me. “Head.. Head.. Head..” I paused, and laughed a second, “Head. Get it? NO. Not the time!” Fuck it was like I was talking to my damn self. His cries.. Loud blabbering sounds.. Whatever the hell you want to call what he was shouting got louder and louder until a thump hit the car. He scaled the bloody thing at the speed he was running, and jumped right over it! It was badass, I must admit, but only because when he looked down to fire at me, I raised the Magnum and put a bullet right into his mouth, which on an angle shot up diagonally out his skull. He body was on the ground in front of me, Tri-Beam Laser Rifle in hand.. “So. Sexy.” How he died, AND my new toy! Temporarily.. Zalgo would knowingly make me sell it once we had our own ammunition for our guns.

I wonder how he’s doin’ up there.. I should probably stand up and help.

3 of the Mutants circled him and the fourth, who held the Sledgehammer. They circled each other, waiting for the other to make a move before the two with the nailed boards rush him. one slash of the Shishkebab and a hit from the half-sledge killed one, while the other was taken out by the backswing of each. The Mutant with the M-16 backed up, taking aim, until the sledgehammer the other mutant was holding flew from the Mutant's hands and smashed the M-16 Mutant's face in.

"Me no like other Mutants. They bullies to me." The Mutant said, retrieving his sledgehammer. "You seem nice. Me want travel with you. My name Leo." He added, slinging the sledgehammer on his back.

"Ummm...?" Zalgo pondered, looking back towards Kristie's position. Something didn't sit right with him, but maybe she'd like having one of the brutes on their side.

I crawled to the Super Mutant’s dead body, and plucked the TBL (I got tired of typing it all out) Rifle from his clutched hands. They were ice cold, but not frozen. Instead it felt like ice water had been poured into a surgical glove, and then stuck on a working arm. I’m sure this beauty would feel more at home in my hands than this, so stealing it really is the right thing to do – Not that I would leave it here if it wasn’t.

I stood up slowly, looking for the other Super Mutants and Zalgo. When I only saw him, and one left I snapped the rest of me up quickly, looking around. “Jesus Christ, what’d you do? Eat ‘em them spit ‘em back out?” They were scattered, all except for the one that for some reason Zalgo appear to be.. Talking.. To?

I walked around the car, and in a stomping manner walked quickly towards the two of them. When I got within 7 feet I stopped, and raised the Rifle up, along with my Magnum – Though I’m not sure if it’s empty or not – towards the Super Mutant’s head. “Give me one good reason.” I asked, facing the Mutant but directing the question to Zalgo. Why hasn’t this piece of shit been obliterated yet? We shoot strangers, ALL strangers.

"Leo no like weapons aimed at him." Leo said, covering his bald, green head with his massive hands. Zalgo motioned for Kristie to lower her weapon. He released the handbrake, making the fire disappear from the Shishkebab.

"Well, we'll hafta get you a new weapon. Your sledge seems a bit worse for wear." He turns to Kristie. "How about that M-16 your 'friend' had, eh, Leo?"

"Grant not friend. Grant asshole. Leo glad he's dead." Leo said, grumbling a bit. "But okay. If it means Leo get to work with humans who judge instead of beating, then Leo use Grant's weapon." He said, grabbing the M-16 and all his ammo. A whopping 25 shots.

"Hold on, what does Kristie say about it?" Zalgo asked, eyeing Kristie with a look that said 'We'll steal his shit later.'

I lowered the weapon.. I knew I’d have to listen to it if I didn’t. Why, why the hell is he letting this fucking, abomination come along with us? Oh, he knows he’s outnumbered; there are two of us! But if he gets the chance to easily off one of us, he could potentially win, rob us.. Among other things, and take off. Smart little fucker.. And he was smart enough to notice that too. So, what’s Zalgo got up his sleeve?

“For the time being, I suppose.” When he fucks up, and gets one of us killed, I told you so, just won’t cut it.

Leo gives the best smile a Super Mutant could. "Thank you, friend. Leo promise to be best friend as anyone." He said, placing the M-16 on his hip, barrel pointing up towards the sky. He stood behind Kristie, watching their backs. "Leo was human once. Years ago, until Super Mutants came into house and kidnapped him, turning him into one of them. Me no like it." He whispered to her, holding his very splintered sledgehammer.

Zalgo motioned to her to follow. He headed towards the stream they'd have to swim over to get to Rivet City. He highly doubted they'd let Leo in, so he'd have to stay by the Metro station. That was alright with him.

I hurried up by Zalgo, Leo.. Or whatever his name was behind us. The farther I was away from him; the better chances he had of not getting his metal in his skull. I understand what he was trying to say.. About him being human, but the point still stands. He ISN’T human anymore, he’s a Mutant. A filthy, heartless, abomination walking the Wastelands. They don’t have the ability to BE human ever again, so why not just end it for them? Zalgo better not intend to keep him around forever. If I ever ended up one of those, I’d want the closest thing to put my head into a rock and walk away.

“Well, any Super Mutants we see from now on, we’ll shoot on site. No one will be picking on you.” Kind words, which I know he’ll take as just that. But a HUMAN would notice the ‘I don’t really give a shit’ tone in my voice. It was true though, we would kill them on site, and so they would never get to Leo. However, nothing ever says he wouldn’t fall under that category sooner or later. “How much further, Rambo?”

"Not too much. Leo, you alright with staying on this side of the slime? I doubt the folks in Rivet City'll appreciate having a Super Mutant in their town. No offense, of course." Zalgo said, turning to the Mutant, who gave a thumbs up, sitting on a ruined bench, peeling slivers from his sledgehammer. "Leo stay right here. He no leave this spot." The Mutant said.

Zalgo nodded and jumped into the icky radioactive river of goop, swimming as fast as he could. The swim wasn't that long, but it sure as hell was gross as being shit on by a Brahmin that just ate Mutfruit. And he knew how pretty of a sight that was.

Rivet City was just over the next bank. They had to climb a twisted, broken catwalk to be able to access the speaker to get security to turn the bridge to them. Usually a quick process if they promised a donation of at least 50 caps, although the nicer officers usually let him and Kristie in for 20. He woulda prefered free, but you can't really have everything, can ya?

"Kristie, get the fuck in here. The water's great!" Zalgo shouted jokingly.

It would be sad to see someone get left behind.. Just sitting, waiting, hoping for his companions to return and not leave him alone.. If he was human. Meh, the ugly brute can rot there. Hurtful? Well, humans feel emotions, Super Mutants.. Yes, I feel sorry for the human lost in them, but not for them now. Mine as well kill him when we get back, or better yet from far away so he goes thinking we gave him a chance. Ha.. haa! I’ll suggest it to Zalgo later on.. When I think he’ll actually agree.

"If by great, you mean it looks like the inside of a.. You know what, I’d rather not think about that.” I took a couple steps back, got a running start and dove in, popping up about 10 feet from where I hit the water. It was a shallow dive, so I got some speed out of it.. Would you want to go down deep in this? “When I asked for a shower.. This is not what I had in mind. But hey, how do I look?” I dramatically flipped back my hair, just goofing off. “Think I can get us in for free?” I was joking of course.. I mean, I was breathing through my mouth in fear of what this shit must smell like. I can't smell any better.. Not to mention I'm now radioactive. Haaaaawt.

"Only if the guards are blind now." Zalgo says to her, climbing up on shore. He shook as much of the radioactive water off of him like a dog would, but his Geiger counter was stillk going off a bit. He knew he'd need a bit of RadAway before the day was through. He knew Kristie wasn't a huge fan of mutated folk, and too much radiation would do just that.

Honestly, though, he could see the advantages to mutation. Super Mutants may be excessively stupid, but they were strong as 10 Brahmin, especially the older they got. Ghouls may be... ugly, for lack of a better word, but they were very loyal and could live well past the age of a normal "smoothskin", as they liked to call humans.

All that wasn't important now, though. What was important was Rivet City. The bridge was lowered, and the structure to get to it was less than 200 feet from where he had landed after swimming. Finally, some rest and relaxation.